I wanted to update the group on the situation with my daughter. I apologize for not updating sooner, but to be frank, its been too painful to write about.
She was due to leave this past Saturday, but advised she couldn't leave until Monday because the guy she was going to stay with (who lives 2 1/2 hours away in the town we used to live in), had to be home and not at work when she got there. We didn't argue, figuring that a couple days would not make a difference. As of Sunday night, however, she had not packed up her things. She had been sleeping all day, leaving to spend the night with a friend, and then returning in the morning and going straight back to bed. I tried to get her up several times on Sunday, only to be told by her to leave her alone.
Finally, Sunday night, I got boxes out of the garage and began packing her toiletries from the bathroom, CDs, etc. She got indignant and told me she would do it first thing in the morning before she left. She did get packed up to leave, however we had severe storms hit the area between here and where she was to drive to, and my husband and I both agreed that she shouldn't try to drive in them so we told her to stay the night and leave the next day, which she did.
In the meantime, she got a text from the girl that is the room mate of the guy she was going to be staying with. The girl made it clear to my daughter that she was not happy about her coming to stay there and indicated that she could only stay a few days. This girl is allegedly gay and not in a relationship with the guy. In any case, my daughter said that she spoke to the guy and he said to ignore what his room mate said. So my daughter left on Tuesday. She sent me a text yesterday evening telling me she got there okay. I texted her back and asked how it was going. She replied: "Very awkward, actually."
I got a text from her today that said: "I hate it here. It's disgusting. I got screwed. I can't stop crying. I keep being on the verge of a breakdown. I will never be able to start a life here." She called me a few minutes later and said that the girl told her she cannot be there during the day when no one else is at home. I asked what the guy said, and my daughter said he gave her a key and told her to sneak back in after the girl left. Needless to say, it's not a good situation.
I was bound and determined to be strong and so I suggested she contact the church she attended for years there, and see if anyone there can help her out with somewhere to stay and maybe help her find work. She was stiff in her response, and said she had to go. I feel certain that she wanted/expected to hear me say "Just come home honey.", and was upset that I didn't. But I couldn't. I have to do this.
My heart hurts more than I can describe. I hate this. When ever I think about her, I see her face - only its the face of her at about 9 years old and I can't stop crying until I find something else to occupy my mind. Why is it that I keep picturing her at that age? Maybe I'm the one having the breakdown?!?
I pray she finds somewhere better to live. I can't imagine what it feels like to know that you have no where to live because no one wants you there - not even your own parents. It hurts me so bad to think of her feeling that way. The guilt that washes over me when I think about that is worse than anything I've ever felt in my life.
I hope I'm strong enough to keep this up, because right now, I don't know that I am.
She was due to leave this past Saturday, but advised she couldn't leave until Monday because the guy she was going to stay with (who lives 2 1/2 hours away in the town we used to live in), had to be home and not at work when she got there. We didn't argue, figuring that a couple days would not make a difference. As of Sunday night, however, she had not packed up her things. She had been sleeping all day, leaving to spend the night with a friend, and then returning in the morning and going straight back to bed. I tried to get her up several times on Sunday, only to be told by her to leave her alone.
Finally, Sunday night, I got boxes out of the garage and began packing her toiletries from the bathroom, CDs, etc. She got indignant and told me she would do it first thing in the morning before she left. She did get packed up to leave, however we had severe storms hit the area between here and where she was to drive to, and my husband and I both agreed that she shouldn't try to drive in them so we told her to stay the night and leave the next day, which she did.
In the meantime, she got a text from the girl that is the room mate of the guy she was going to be staying with. The girl made it clear to my daughter that she was not happy about her coming to stay there and indicated that she could only stay a few days. This girl is allegedly gay and not in a relationship with the guy. In any case, my daughter said that she spoke to the guy and he said to ignore what his room mate said. So my daughter left on Tuesday. She sent me a text yesterday evening telling me she got there okay. I texted her back and asked how it was going. She replied: "Very awkward, actually."
I got a text from her today that said: "I hate it here. It's disgusting. I got screwed. I can't stop crying. I keep being on the verge of a breakdown. I will never be able to start a life here." She called me a few minutes later and said that the girl told her she cannot be there during the day when no one else is at home. I asked what the guy said, and my daughter said he gave her a key and told her to sneak back in after the girl left. Needless to say, it's not a good situation.
I was bound and determined to be strong and so I suggested she contact the church she attended for years there, and see if anyone there can help her out with somewhere to stay and maybe help her find work. She was stiff in her response, and said she had to go. I feel certain that she wanted/expected to hear me say "Just come home honey.", and was upset that I didn't. But I couldn't. I have to do this.
My heart hurts more than I can describe. I hate this. When ever I think about her, I see her face - only its the face of her at about 9 years old and I can't stop crying until I find something else to occupy my mind. Why is it that I keep picturing her at that age? Maybe I'm the one having the breakdown?!?
I pray she finds somewhere better to live. I can't imagine what it feels like to know that you have no where to live because no one wants you there - not even your own parents. It hurts me so bad to think of her feeling that way. The guilt that washes over me when I think about that is worse than anything I've ever felt in my life.
I hope I'm strong enough to keep this up, because right now, I don't know that I am.