my bipolar daughter steals, lyes and more

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sandyr, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. sandyr

    sandyr New Member

    I'm in a very bad state of mind, overwhelmed, my oldest daughter has been diagnosed as Bipolar back in 2012, we have been trying all kinds of therapy, psychiatry, rehabs, traveled to another country for a treatment (that one was good for 2 years), we have done everything for her but I'm pretty sure it is drug abuse, probably combined, she lived with us, no job, no obligations but all help she needed.
    Just 2 days ago she stole my husband's car, but because she is under my insurance, we couldn't do nothing, luckily we were able to locate the car and took it, we were concern that she could hurt someone or herself as result of her reckless behavior. She stole 2 payroll checks from my husband, we used a lot mobile deposit (not anymore), access checks from my credit cards and one of my company checks, you can imagine how do I feel after I had to ask the CPA to report as a stolen check. We filed a police report, and to add insult to injury she came last night with the boyfriend, she punch, insulted my youngest daughter (who is a stellar student and a good daughter) and ran away, of course police was called we got a restraining order, I have been crying a lot because I know we filed a police report and she would end in jail. We are in hopes that the judge send her to rehab.
  2. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    Hi and welcome, sandyr. I am so sorry to hear that you are in this situation but glad that you have found this site. There will be others along soon who will offer more advice and support.

    Your daughter is an adult and it sounds like you and your husband have done everything possible to assist her. I believe that you did the right thing in calling the police and getting a restraining order. It is not right that your younger daughter should be subjected to physical abuse in your own home. You are all at risk. Your daughter has been doing criminal activities - physical assault, car theft and check theft. I would imagine the money/check theft is for drugs. It is heartbreaking when our children do things that we would never think them capable of. This is emotionally and physically draining for you and your family.

    We have been in a similar situation and worry that our daughter will come back and break into the house. We've upgraded our security system and done as much as we can to secure our home. Your home should be a safe haven.

    Perhaps her arrest would lead to some drug/mental health rehab resources. That would be a good thing. She is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her actions.

    I hope that while she is away from your house that you and your family can find some time to do something nice - even if it is just to go out for dinner or watch a movie.

    Please keep coming back to this forum and posting. There is an excellent article on detachment at the top of the posts - it really helps.
  3. sandyr

    sandyr New Member

    mcdonna, thank you for your kind words. I feel like crying all the time, this is the first time she goes out like this, I know she is with the boyfriend that we do not know him, but her iPad was here and we know he has been released from jail. We feel terrible doing this but we are in hopes that the judge send her to rehab instead of jail. This forum is keeping me stronger, giving me hope and the strength to not remove the fraud charges...
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This sounds like more than bipolar. Sounds like drug addiction to me...unless she was always inclined to getting into trouble. Then she could have a personality disorder.

    Your younger child's safety and your own safety in my opinion have to come first. You took this adult child to a foreign country for treatment...I assume cutting edge and expensive. Two years. Even that didn't stick. You have done more for her than a Saint. What on earth can you rationally feel guilty about? You were her hero. But you can lead a horse to the best, purest water but you can't make him drink it. Same with your daughter.

    It is never easy to face that a child of ours is doing bad, dangerous stuff. We tend to ask what we did to cause it. Unless you espoused how great drug abuse is or sat on your daughter to force her to take drugs, you did nothing wrong at all. She is an adult and she alone decided to fly off the rails.

    Maybe jail will change her. I assume she has been in rehab before and didn't take advantage of it. I feel you did what you had to do to protect your younger daughter and yourself.

    We care and feel for you. We are all holding your hand for extra strength and support.
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi Sandy, Welcome to our little corner of the internet.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Your story is a familiar one to many here.

    I know how much it hurts to call the police on your own child but you did the right thing. You have done everything you can to get your daughter help. Offering her help and pointing her in the right direction is the easy part and that you have done, unfortunately you cannot force her to accept the help that is offered.

    You need to what you have to do in order to keep yourself, younger daughter and husband safe.

    It's so hard to watch our adult children spiral out of control but there comes a point when acceptance is the only way we can move on with our lives.

    This is something that you can get through. I'm so glad you found this site. You will find much needed support here.

    ((HUGS)) to you..............
  6. sandyr

    sandyr New Member

    Thank you all for the support, it is indeed needed. I'm beyond depressed, and constantly asking me questions, as day goes asking me if I'm doing the right thing. I filled the police reports and it is a constant remorse for me that I did that. I'm in hopes she gets to be send to rehab not to jail. My husband is between jobs so I will fill out the Cobra form for her... not sure if I will be able to send her to a private facility..
  7. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    If she's had the therapy and rehab, that was all you could do. Tell her she's not allowed in the house because you almost got fired for her stealing a company check. Take her off your car insurance because you could get sued if she hurts someone in a wreck. She is 23, so it's up to her to start using the skills she learned in rehab and therapy.
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sandyr, I'm so sorry, it is a hurt beyond compare when our adult kids go off the rails......

    Presently, there is little you can do, your daughter is an adult. That powerlessness is devastating for us parents.

    You might try giving NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) a call. You can access them online, they have chapters in most major cities. They have excellent courses for us parents which offer a wealth of information, guidance and support. I've availed myself to their services for help with my adult difficult daughter and it was invaluable.

    If you haven't already, you might seek counseling, therapy or a parent support group for yourself, this is hard stuff and often we need all the help and support we can get. Many parents here find solace in 12 step groups like AL Anon, Narc Anon and Families Anonymous. You may also find information in the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.

    While you can't control or fix or change your daughters choices, you can learn tools to help YOU, you can find more peace for yourself in the midst of this hurricane you find yourself in by making sure you take care of yourself. Often we forget how to care for ourselves when we put all our efforts into helping our kids. There is a lot of grief on this path..... it becomes imperative that we find ways to nurture ourselves along the way. Many of us need support to remember how to do that.

    I'm glad you're here, keep posting it really helps. Hang in there Sandyr, you're not alone, we understand, we've been there too.
  9. sandyr

    sandyr New Member

    Thank you! we are heartbroken, even my younger child want to remove charges.. we will see if we can negotiate with the police to have her send to seek help to a rehab. I know I need help, a therapist or something, we are in a bad place right now; this forum is helping us to be strong to not enable her keep with this behavior. I know today the bank cancelled her account, it took 7 days for them to do that, if they have done at the first call, this could be prevented. I know it is mi daughter's fault and she will face consequences.
  10. sandyr

    sandyr New Member

    she has been calling my husband, telling him that she had an anxiety attack. she wants to come home. My husband is heartbroken, we can't allow her to come back and not make her responsible of her acts.