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bran155
Guest
You make me laugh Terry! I just read your response to me about the snow and was cracking up and now you have cracking up once again!!! LOL 
klmno
Active Member
Ok- I am definitely no expert on successful marriages, so I can't even believe I have an idea about this, but here is my thought after reading some more of your posts: 1) I think you are both depressed and while you both want to get back to being a happy, active couple again, two people suffering from depression can't just hop in the sack and make all that turn around. Especially, if he "couldn't" perform a couple of times, then got worried over that, his worry alone about his ability to perform and the pressure you both have about why things are this way iss interfering.
2) You both want this to work out and you want intimacy back (I'daughter say he does too) but instead of jumping straight to the sex part, why not start with a lesser degree of intimate time together- like a date - with it understood that there will be no effort to go home and get physical, then maybe an over night trip to have some time in front of a fireplace with a glass of wine, for example, again with it understood that there will be nothing more physical. It almost sounds like when 2 people are trying so hard to conceeive a baby but can't- then they stop trying so hard and have more babies than they planned.
And I definitely think he needs time to talk to a therapist alone. Most men don't have/want groups like we have to throw out their insecurites, vents, pet peeves, etc, so they bottle it up. He needs a safe place to get some feedback for some things just like you do when you post here.
2) You both want this to work out and you want intimacy back (I'daughter say he does too) but instead of jumping straight to the sex part, why not start with a lesser degree of intimate time together- like a date - with it understood that there will be no effort to go home and get physical, then maybe an over night trip to have some time in front of a fireplace with a glass of wine, for example, again with it understood that there will be nothing more physical. It almost sounds like when 2 people are trying so hard to conceeive a baby but can't- then they stop trying so hard and have more babies than they planned.
And I definitely think he needs time to talk to a therapist alone. Most men don't have/want groups like we have to throw out their insecurites, vents, pet peeves, etc, so they bottle it up. He needs a safe place to get some feedback for some things just like you do when you post here.
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bran155
Guest
Thank you Nancy. How are you doing?
Klmno,
Thanks for the ideas. Actually you are right about doing a date, maybe even a date night. Something regular that we can count on, maybe twice a month. True also about the people trying to have a baby. Maybe if I just leave it alone for a while, it will happen naturally.
I think either you misunderstood what I said or I said it wrong but my husband never had a problem performing. In fact it is the total opposite. We don't "do it" often but when we do it is really fantastic!!!! We have a good time together and we try new things, it's never boring. That is what makes this so hard to understand. The sex is great, never routine and he has never not been able to perform. He's just never in the mood.
Well, I am now sitting here typing as I am eating my Smart One. It actually tastes really good. It's the lasagna one. Doesn't even taste like diet food. So I am just going to keep on working on me and hope that we are able to resolve this.
Thanks again.
Klmno,
Thanks for the ideas. Actually you are right about doing a date, maybe even a date night. Something regular that we can count on, maybe twice a month. True also about the people trying to have a baby. Maybe if I just leave it alone for a while, it will happen naturally.
I think either you misunderstood what I said or I said it wrong but my husband never had a problem performing. In fact it is the total opposite. We don't "do it" often but when we do it is really fantastic!!!! We have a good time together and we try new things, it's never boring. That is what makes this so hard to understand. The sex is great, never routine and he has never not been able to perform. He's just never in the mood.
Well, I am now sitting here typing as I am eating my Smart One. It actually tastes really good. It's the lasagna one. Doesn't even taste like diet food. So I am just going to keep on working on me and hope that we are able to resolve this.
Thanks again.
Marguerite
Active Member
ON the subject of suggestingblood tests - when you suggest to a bloke to get his testosterone checked out, it is risking being seen as a direct attack on his masculinity. You could suggest to a woman to get her oestrogen levels checked out, with less hassle.
But it's not necessarily just testosterone. And a bloke with low testosterone might still function perfectly well sexually. You just don't know.
So a strong suggestion - he needs to ask for a general hormonal check, looking at cortisol levels, thyroid hormone levels, pituitary hormone levels - it all interconnects.
Marg
But it's not necessarily just testosterone. And a bloke with low testosterone might still function perfectly well sexually. You just don't know.
So a strong suggestion - he needs to ask for a general hormonal check, looking at cortisol levels, thyroid hormone levels, pituitary hormone levels - it all interconnects.
Marg
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bran155
Guest
Thanks Marg. I did not know that and would have never known to ask for all of that. Will do.
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bran155
Guest
Me and husband are having a date night tonite in the house!!! My son is sleeping downstairs at my sisters. We are going to have a couple of drinks together, watch a movie and with any luck get frisky!!! lol It won't even take a couple of drinks for me as I haven't had a drink in about a year. I hope I can get it down, I hate liquor and beer!!! But I think it will be fun to get a little tipsy. I am so excited!!! I'll let you know how it goes in the morning.
Shawna
Shawna
shawna
i was thinking about you since i read your post, and i haven't been able to keep up like i was before. Yet I have to say how happy i was to read all of this, my gut told me there was more there and that he was very dedicated to you. I was hoping for this.
yay you, get a bit tipsy, i hope you two have a great night!!! I really am so glad to hear this is the outcome and a continution of the two of you.
(((hugs))))
i was thinking about you since i read your post, and i haven't been able to keep up like i was before. Yet I have to say how happy i was to read all of this, my gut told me there was more there and that he was very dedicated to you. I was hoping for this.
yay you, get a bit tipsy, i hope you two have a great night!!! I really am so glad to hear this is the outcome and a continution of the two of you.
(((hugs))))
Marguerite
Active Member
Shawna, onthe subject of getting some endocrinology done on husband - quid pro quo; you get it done on you as well. That way there's no finger-pointing, you're both going through it together. And your weight gain - you need to have your thyroid checked out at least. I would also suggest getting fasting glucose/fasting insulin done, to check out possible insulin resistance. This may require an endocrinologist/gastroenterologist. But if there turns out to be something, it could open the doors for you to get some medical help to lose weight.
That's what happened for me. It's now a year since I was told I had insulin resistance and that for the sake of my health, I had to lose weight. 'And by the way, Marg, here's the prescription to help you. And the permission to follow MY rules as doctor and not what any dietician told you.'
As long as you realise - you could lose all that weight, turn back into a fox (or cougar) and he might still not be interested, because of HIS problems. But as long as YOU are healthier...
Marg
That's what happened for me. It's now a year since I was told I had insulin resistance and that for the sake of my health, I had to lose weight. 'And by the way, Marg, here's the prescription to help you. And the permission to follow MY rules as doctor and not what any dietician told you.'
As long as you realise - you could lose all that weight, turn back into a fox (or cougar) and he might still not be interested, because of HIS problems. But as long as YOU are healthier...
Marg
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Kjs
Guest
Shawna - I am so happy you are doing so much better. It is really good to hear a happy resolution to an issue. Good for you and cheers !!!
