Piece of good news

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I have a brother in law that has basically chosen to be homeless since a teen. I was the last person to see him in prison, and that was probably 17 years ago. Really, really nice guy...just chose this lifestyle. He was in prison for burning down a squater's house when the police came in. Probably not the best choice, but he did it.

    Moved to WI and watched my inlaws tear themselves apart about him. I tried to make them understand that he's happy and has no regrets or hatred to them. They don't get it. So I hired a private investigator and found him exactly where I thought he'd be.

    The good news is inlaws were vacationing in that area and actually met him on Easter for the first time in 24 years for them. mother in law calls me last night absolutely sobbing. She found her boy after all these years. We chatted for awhile and then I told her not to expect to hear from him again. Enjoy the visit you had and know he is ok.

    What a tough thing to know you have a child out there that wants no contact. But, you can't change a person. They have to want change and after 24 years of no contact...I'd say he's a tad stubborn.

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm glad they had a nice reunion, Abbey, even if it was short-lived. I hope it brings your inlaws some comfort.

  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Ditto what Suz said. It was good of you to find him for them. You are a good daughter in law. -RM
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You gave your inlaws an invaluable gift. Not only with the reunion, but that they now know he is alive and safe.

    husband has a cousin who chose that lifestyle. That was about 40 yrs ago or more. The family, including his parents, never heard from him. His brother doesn't even know if he's still alive. No drug involvement, no crime. Just the way he chose for himself. Sad.
  5. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Aw, this brought tears to my eyes--I'm glad they got to see him. What a nice gift you gave them!
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm glad he's well and that your inlaws got the chance to see him face-to-face. You did good!
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    That was so sweet of you. I couldn't imagine not knowing, and the heartache of missing him. What a wonderful gift.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    My sister in law's brother left home at 18 after graduation from HS and lost all contact with her family. Her dad found him once in CA and when the son opened the door, he closed it again and asked his father to leave. He seriously didn't want any contact with his family. I know when my sister in law thinks of it, it breaks her heart. But she has chosen to respect his wishes to not be 'found'.

    You did a wonderful, kind and loving thing for your in-laws.
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Some people are just private, or what we used to call hermits. He is that way. He doesn't mean harm, just wants to be alone.

    My concern now is that they will push the issue. They are wonderful inlaws, but very invasive. If they push too far, he'll probably disappear forever. He's very good at that obviously. We live in an area where family is EVERYTHING. They vex over the smallest stuff. They just don't get why someone would want to be alone. I hope they don't push him away.

  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    That was nice of you. Hopefully, they will be happy knowing that he is okay and it will be enough to get by on. That has got to be a gut-wrenching situation for them.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    What a wonderful Easter gift. Now I just pray that they respect his boundaries and that he can soften the edges of them just a tad. Love, ML