It is comforting to have support and know that I am not alone with my daughter's issues.
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Some of them are potentially from congenital depression the bio mom (or dad) could have had; some could be from in utero drug exposure; some could be from concussion; some could be hormonal/adolescent; and some could have been triggered by the darn Amantadine prescribed by the concussion doctor (google it - the side effects include depression, suicide, aggression, impulsivity, etc. and I know these are commonly listed as side effects for lots of antidepressants...I reported this to MedWatch); and I have also felt my daughter has been HARMED by her admissions; HARMED by hearing the life stories she has heard and which she would NEVER have otherwise been exposed to; HARMED in that she has been surrounded by mental illness at its worst; HARMED - - I pray she has not felt that I have abandoned her to this - - I only want her to be kept safe and feel that I can lock up this and that but our home is still a 2 story home; I am a single mom; I have to sleep eventually; there are a gazillion blinds in our house with cords; we drink out of real glasses occasionally; have mirrors in the three bathrooms; have breakable windows (not covered by plexiglass on both sides), etc etc etc. I have considered handcuffing her to me at night (JUST KIDDING!!!! - JUST BRAINSTORMING!!!) but need to keep her safe.
Anyway - I am grateful for any response and the support you all have to give. I pray and GIVE IT TO GOD and have had some wonderful messages of God at Work - - o.k., I'll share just one..... in Wal-Mart (of course) several weeks ago and ran into our neighbors (younger daughter at a friend's house; I was alone); and after just felt so emotional and teary and semi-crying telling God I could NOT do it any longer it was too much of a burden for me and I was going to have to give it all to him to handle and - as always - i asked God for a sign of some sort. Literally within a minute my cell phone (always have it in my hand) rang and it was the cottage staff with a message from my daughter that she loves me very much and was looking forward to the weekend visit. I need constant support and reassurance - - it is bringing me to my knees over and over that she has been gone about 162 or more days (have not recounted recently)and I just miss her so very much as well.
Thank you all
Carol
difficult child#1 - Daughter, age 13 1/2
difficult child#2 - Daughter, age 9 1/2