Sad, sad Easter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    We'll difficult child came to grandma's with my mother. He looked horrible!!!! He ate a little but then thru up soon after. Drug sick again. I tried to convince him to get help. I told him i would take him then and there but of course he had an excuse not to go. The same thing he was fine, BULL!!!! I did find a Doctor in our town that treats addiction with suboxon but I don't know much about this stuff. I don't have time with work to call and find out either. I texted him with the info but I'm sure he did nothing with it. I can't stand to see him like that. He's dropped bout 60 lbs and looks like skin over bones.
    Not a good day.:(
  2. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I understand. My son is 25 and still using after all the help we have tried to give him over the years. He is out of our house to living with "friends". I fear for his life every day but cannot sit by and watch him kill himself. The only thing I know about suboxone is that it has to be controlled by a doctor that prescribes it. It takes away the craving for pain pills. You are supposed to wean off of it but some people get dependent on it too. It is expensive from what I have heard. My son was going to outpatient drug classes and his counselor said he would not be good for him. I dont really know all the ins and outs of that comment. However, I have heard it works well for others. Maybe your local drug/alcohol abuse place could tell you more.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Hugs. I am so sorry you are having to watch your son self-destruct. It is a difficult thing for us mothers to see. There is little we can do until they are ready. I hope he is ready before the drugs do too much damage. You and your son are in my daily prayers.
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Tracy I am so sorry for your hurting heart. -RM
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Soboxin works wonders if your difficult child is ready for treatment. They have to be clean 24 hrs before starting the medication, then they are watched to help adjust to the right dosage for them. It helps stop the craving and with the withdrawl, they can't get "high" while on it, it blocks the receptors in the brain.

    Only thing to keep in mind is that anesthetics are also blocked by soboxin. So if difficult child were to have dentistry done or any medication procedure that requires anesthetic docs need forewarned.

    The only thing it will not do is make him want to quit. My friend has been on and off it for a couple of months. She gets tired of being drug free and stops taking it.

    I'm sorry difficult child can't see what the drugs are doing for him. My friend is in bad shape too. I've decided I have to completely detach now as I can no longer stand to watch her killing herself. It's just too painful to watch.

  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hi T -

    Just sending some support for your weary heart. My x was a big-time progressive drug abuser. He's 54 and it's still all very much about him and getting high. I tried for years to help him, get him into rehab, his well to do uncle paid for two stints in a very expensive rehab place and we thought to ourselves "Well now that he has a little financial backing - he'll kick this." and sadly it didn't do any more than the place down the road that was a torn/worn former elementary school in the middle of the worst part of town.

    Find a local chapter of narcanon and go - even though YOU aren't the abuser - you will learn a great deal by sitting and listening to former addicts who are trying to get well. I think from them you'll get better answers than google. They'll also be a wealth of information about Suboxone and methadone.

    I know your heartache and I'm sending a huge hug for your healing.

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending hugs and support for your hurting heart. I'm so sorry that you have to witness your son's self destruction. I hope he gets help soon.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Tracy, {{{hugs}}}.
    My niece went through this. She is gorgeous and talented. No one on the outside understands the pull of the drugs. No one can understand why a young person with-a perfectly healthy body and mind would destroy themselves like that.
    They've got to figure it out for themselves. But at least you saw him. He's alive, he showed up, he knows you love him. That makes a difference.
    My sister went to AA instead of Narcanon. I don't know why (although I'm sure my neice was doing both) and my sister really liked the group and highly recommended AA for me, even though my kids aren't using. She said the issues are the same and it's just a group you can click with. Everyone shares stories and knows exactly what you're going through, and can address the detachment difficulties from a parenting point of view instead of a therapist point of view (all though after a while everyone learns the lingo :) ). One of these days I'll find a local group.

    Many hugs.
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Tracy...I know it breaks a parent's heart to see their child like this. Will he go to NA or AA?
    Your signature mentioned you have some peace about this. However, would you consider going to Al Anon or FA?
    Who couldn't use more help with- this "stuff?"
    husband and I went to Families Anonymous last night.
    The great majority of the parents there were dealing with kids who were using. They use the AA principles.
    Detachment seemed to be the buzzword...the way to freedom.
    Still hurts...but a hurdle that opens doors in the end.
    My situation is different...yet somehow the same. I was AMAZED to see folks in the group who had been attending for something like TWENTY YEARS...decades, my friend.
    They had formed very TIGHT friendships. They wre getting power and wisdom from the group they could not get anywhere else.
    Ironically, husband and I are going to FA to deal with difficult child's constant/non stop emotional issues and we are encouraging difficult child to to go Al Anon, because she is infatuated with an alcoholic.
    in my humble opinion...the underlying principles are healthy.
    We can't change other people. I suppose I can provide information for my difficult child...but that's about it. It's up to her whether or not she is going to do anything with it.
    We can only change ourselves. We can only re-think attitudes that have not worked for us in the past. Most, if not all of us, want peace...and that is attainable...even under these difficult circumstances. Please consider googling Al Anon or Families Anonymous to see if their are any meetings near you.

    Remember the 3 C's of Addiction:
    1. You didn't cause it
    2. You can't control it
    3. You can't cure it

    Now, more specific for YOU: Choices, Changes and Courage.....
    Choices: Make a choice to be good to yourself and enjoy life.
    Changes: Why should your addict change, until you change?
    COURAGE: Stop being a victim, have the courage to say no, have the courage to "let go."

    Be well!
    Wishing you well.
    Lasted edited by : Apr 14, 2009
  10. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Thank you all for your support thru this. Nomad your post was great. It still breaks my heart but i don't let him know that. He did come here this morning before I went to work and ask if he could have his blanket that used to be on his bed cuz it was cold outside, I gave it to him and shut the door. He tells me about how he would go to treatment but.... there's always a but. I just tell him well when your ready you can go. I don't think he'll ever be ready the rate he's going.
    He talks desent one minute then nasty the next that's when I'm done talking to him. He had the same clothes on this morning that he had on Easter Sunday. He thinks he will probably be going to my mom's on Friday cuz she is usually off work on fridays but she said she isn't gonna have that stuff there. She said she is gonna tell him he cannot come there either till he goes to treatment. I hope she sticks with it cuz she's always been there to save the day maybe he'll see then.
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Tracy your story sounds like mine. My son is homeless too. He called today wanting to come and take a shower - he hadnt changed clothes since Sunday. He has been staying in an abandonend trailer in a small town not too far from us. He has been going door to door trying to do yard work for money. The other day an older lady called me and said he had come to her door and was doing anything to survive. It made me feel so bad to hear that - because that is my child. But she doesnt know what he is really doing - I filled her in but she still said she would do everything to help me. He is living a hopeless life. He uses his money for pot and pills. Sometimes my heart goes out to him becuse I know deep down he is not a bad person. I understand what you are going through. I asked my son if he was ready to go to detox, rehab anything and he said no - that he never did anything that bad at home and we just didnt want to deal with him - A BIG LIE. We will hang in here together.