Son has Found His Paternal Family


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My son found his paternal family on facebook. He is now living with his half-brother who is exactly 9 months older than him. They share the apartment with siblings girlfriend. He has also been in touch with his uncles.

My daughter filled me in on this information. I took my own advice and unfriended him. There is no need for me to continue to wallow in his drama. I am happy to know that he is not on the streets and that he has found his "real family" (his words). I let daughter know that the only updates I wanted would be if they concerned our safety.


My son has done the same. His bio dad called me a couple of weeks ago to lecture me on how I need to support DS whether he is a dr or a lawyer or a drug addict, because "Thats the sacrifice we make as parents". My response: "Ok, Mr "Paid $400 child support, called 10 times, and has physically visited once in 18 years-- Are you REALLY going to tell me about the sacrifices parents make? Because I think that will be the most comical thing I've heard today, but you go on with your bad self". Needless to say that conversation didn't go very far. But my son feels like he has an ear to listen and a new someone to use and enable him.


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I believe this is not the best situation for him to be in. Most of his paternal family are heavy drinkers and drug users. He has boxed himself into a corner. He told his sister that he has a job at a telemarketing place. He doesn't. Sister told him that she was proud of him for getting the job and that now he could stop calling her begging for money. She never gave him any, but that did not stop him from asking.


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When my day use to say she was going to find her but on and go live with her I felt the same way, that it would not be a healthy situation but at least she would be off the street.he finally realized that was just a dream. I agree sometimes they need to be elsewhere to realize what they had.

Enjoy the no contact and quiet in your life.


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PASA, your role in this is over. He will have to find his own way. It was quite astute on his part to find them. For right now, he has solved has immediate problem: housing, food and some kind of support.

This is what I believe: I believe he is your son. While he may fight you, inside he has your values. Your conscience. Your ethics. All the while he may go along with the program where he is, what he is, the big part of him that is constructed of what you are, will be there, latent.

In time he will realize he does not like living as they do. Whether it be disorder, or conflict or how they treat one another or him, or something about power and control....we do not yet know. But trust me, there will be something. He will not like it. He was raised to be more. To do more. To be better. He knows this.

The hope is that he does not fall into a worse problem with substances. Like most of our kids. But the thing is, that could have happened anywhere. Meanwhile, in other respects, he is safe.

You can rest. You are out of it. He will make a plan. Little by little. He knows you are there. He will always know.

Actually, this is getting interesting. I am rooting for him. And for you.



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I am actually very surprised that my son has never decided to try to find his biological father's family and mooch off them for awhile. He's never mentioned them, or his biodad, except to make remarks about "killing himself like his father did". After my response to that little gem, he never said it again.


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That is exactly what he is doing. He is so delusional it is scary. He has told his sister that he has a job and his own apartment. He is also posting thT he has guns and drugs for sale. He seems to be unWare that his sistrr has access to his posts. He texted her that he is with his teal family because they are the same race as he is.


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Is your son delusional or is he just making up stuff to 'impress' people on facebook? That would be less scary.

Either way, it doesn't sound like a good situation.

We are here if you need to talk.



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Things that start out as a fantasy or a lie (hard to tell which is which) become real to him. He sees life as a movie and everyone outdide of himself are plastic and can be cast in whatever scenerio he wishes. When your scene is finished, you no longer exist for him.