Strange comments

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Aug 13, 2017.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    As most of you know my story I will keep that part brief...23 yr old son, moved out last month, has been to detox for alcohol and benzos, uses weed still, not violent or abusive, carries around a lot of shame, suffers from anxiety and depression.

    He has been out for over a month now so I don't know what his drug use is currently... but I'm not convinced he is clean, as a one week detox was not enough. We speak almost daily either via text or in person. He is rarely rude and usually expresses remorse or shame about his situation. I am currently away in the US visiting my sister and can't text him. I've asked my husband to please check in on him daily, as I sometimes think I am his only human contact some days. Husband said he sent a strange text yesterday saying he had been to a sage ceremony and blessed by a rabi? Then made a comment to his dad about visiting

    "Okay awesome, I'll be by tomorrow! I'm really sorry I wasn't up today. I couldn't handle it even though I was blessed legitimately by a Rabi and continue to pray for Christian values despite Jewish tradition and hatred."

    Now.... this makes so little sense to me... he has been basically atheist since a teenager, very turned off by Christian teaching and what he sees as privilege. He also made a comment about aliens a few months ago that made me worry.....

    I don't know if he is just a lost soul searching... high... or having some kind of psychotic break?

    I am feeling quite concerned. Couldn't sleep last night.....
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My son's drug use has caused periodic episodes of paranoia and psychosis. Allow his father to deal with him. You deserve a respite from HIS drama.
     
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  3. seek

    seek Member

    There's no way to know until you can have a telephone conversation with him to clarify what he was talking about. If you cannot speak with him, you will have to set it aside and pray he is okay and if not, that he will seek help. Take care of yourself!
     
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  4. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Prolly just stoned
     
  5. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Well, if he were blessed by one, he'd know how to spell "Rabbi". Second of all, having been raised Jewish, It would have to be a VERY Reform Rabbi to combine "blessing" someone (Judaism doesn't include "priestly" blessings like Christianity does.) with a sage smudging ceremony which is a Native American religious custom. To do so would be offensive to both religions, in fact, unless the Rabbi was some sort of Kabbahlist (Jewish mystic, which isn't mainstream Judaism at all), and it would still be offensive to Native Americans. Very weird. Kabbahlism went through a period of popularity in Hollywood, with Maddonna and others professing to be followers; I assume there are still followers out there. My grandfather, a Rabbi and Talmudic scholar, knew an awful lot about it, but didn't practice in any way. My concern here is that your son, in his mental state, is vulnerable to entanglement in all sorts of cults.
     
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  6. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Thank you for the input GN. I apologize for spelling Rabbi incorrectly.... I should know better. I also thought the whole thing was very off... as I am familiar with First Nations culture having taught many FN kids and knew about sage as something in that culture used in various ceremonies.

    The whole thing is just weird... and I am worried he is vulnerable to some crazy cult like groups at this point.

    I asked my husband to please ask him to clarify what he meant.... and not ignore it. I want to keep the communication open.
     
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Colleen. I know how worrisome this can be. My son has been espousing beliefs about aliens and reptiles and the illuminati. I have been concerned this could be delusional. I restrict conversation to avoid these themes.
    In no way do I recommend this response but I see no reason to encourage him.

    The line between spiritual seeking and disorganization is not always clear. In my case I have done everything I can think of to encourage psychotherapy and for a time offered to pay for spiritual direction until I realized and accepted it was not my business.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 13, 2017
  8. seek

    seek Member

    Did you say you have no internet where you are? I was wondering if you could write him on Facebook.
     
  9. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Seek, I have internet but he doesn't do social media, only text, so I can't talk to him.

    Copa....sigh.... I know maybe I should just ignore it but I feel like keeping the communication open is better. I don't plan on being confrontational just wondering where he is coming from I guess.

    I am away until Wednesday and I will just have to wait. My husband is trying to reach out to him so that will have to suffice....

    I just feel if there is any type of pscychotic break going on we need to know as he wouldn't be able to help himself. That would be something else entirely.
     
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  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Added a bit more to prior post. On cell. Everything about your approach and concern makes sense. I am a mental
    health professional and am rendered useless and stupid with respect to my own child. Dad will handle this and see
    That son is safe. I think in my case if son seemed disorganized when I returned I might tell my son I was concerned and prevail that he be evaluated.
     
  11. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Colleen.
    We want so much for them.
    Our son also has beliefs re: aliens and illuminati...do they all just gravitate to anything to fill the void? We let him say his thoughts without comment, why go there? Sometimes I think it's just for shock value, to see if he can get a rise out of us. He does seem to really believe it though. Our son is First Nation and also knows some of that, but doesn't really engage in it. Our "oh"...and change the subject protects us as we know he is still using whatever he can get his hands on and we cannot reason or discuss with that brain. Even when he's sober, that thinking can still be present.
    I agree with others, let his Dad check on him. Protect you and your mother's heart. Prayers.
     
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  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Wrote this earlier but lost it.

    Found a site with an article having all these words together: Rabbi. Smudging prayer. First nation. Jewish. Blessed. Christian values.

    This could be a variation of rational for a difficult child such as we have.

    PS I am Jewish. I study with a Rabbi in a perspective of Judaism very open to all spiritual practices. Ok. Maybe leave out 2 or 3.

    PSS I hope you are having some fun. Dad is minding the fort. I am eaten up with worry enough for the two of us.

    PSSS It does not help.
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2017
  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    So sorry you can't get a break from your own mind. I'm like that too. I hate that I think of my son so much.

    What worries me so much is his brain - the way he thinks. It's frightening that an almost 22 year old man thinks mom and dad can fix everything.

    I don't know what I'd do either but your husband is his father and he is there for him so try to let it be for now and not overthink it. It won't help you or him.

    Hugs.
     
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  14. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Talked to husband last night and son came by but wouldn't discuss his text.... husband didn't push it.

    I'm home tomorrow late, and will try to enjoy my last day here at my sisters. Going to do some retail therapy later.... gotta love shopping in the US Always a highlight of my summer.

    Copa... I tried to google like you did and found a few articles.... nothing that made any sense to me in terms of his weird text.... still so odd.

    I just hate the sinking feeling we all have in terms of our adult addict children... like any minute I will get "that call" and all my worst fears will be real. It's like living on high alert all the time. Any kind of weird text or sign from them triggers it, the fear and feeling of impeding doom.

    I don't remember what it feels like to be truely free of this horrible dread. I know I need to focus on what I can control and what I can do.... and I've come so far, but I can't get over the pit of fear that lives in my gut.

    Sigh..... off to spend money to numb it out for an afternoon .....
     
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  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    I know this sounds morbid but husband and I have had to accept that our son may die from this. As witnessed by totaling his car ten days ago in light of all the rehab programs he's been in.

    He is well educated on this disease yet he refuses to do what he needs to do to overcome it and commit to sobriety.

    I remember when I first heard that it was too much to bear to even think of it. But I have had to learn how to detach so that I don't go completely insane with all of it. We truly adore our son and have had heartbreak over heartbreak with him using and abusing himself.

    We have had to pull way back and give it to God and let our son find his way. We keep pushing it back on him.

    I hope you can find some great buys!
    :lady:
     
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  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Rn I was going to rate you a winner but how could I? What I wanted to convey is my admiration for you colleen and you rn. You are putting into words my own dread and my fruitless and desperate efforts to momentarily escape.

    Rn. You state the truth. We have to name the reality that faces us no matter, especially if there is no control or escape from it. To live inside the horror not running from it. I am trying. It is hard.

    I want to say something dumb. Like I wish this was not happening.
     
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  17. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Copa.... I basically wish that everyday. I play the alternate history game a lot too.... niether which help at all.

    I waste so much time in fear but I don't know how to let it go. I am not at the point of accepting that he may die of this, even writing that is huge. Of course I realize this is a possibility but I can't go there, maybe I will have to at some point.

    I don't think I go much time not thinking about my son.... but my youngest Is not the same. He is healthy and taking care of himself, very self reliant. Maybe it's the protector in me who can't let go of my older son. Honestly I realize it's not good for him, or me... I will try to work on this.
     
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  18. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Colleen. When our son was a teenager, he saw a psychiatrist ( one of many over the years), who informed us that "you need to understand. no matter what you do, this may not end well". We have never forgotten that. It seemed harsh at the time but now years later I can appreciate his honesty. That possible reality is always there, maybe the really foolish thing is that we believe for any of our loved ones that it isn't.
    That being said...enjoy your time away, you've earned your stripes girl. Prayers.
     
  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    A few years ago I was speaking to a psychiatrist for myself. He told me: when is it a good thing to not face reality?

    He said a suitable outcome for my son is that he live in a single room occupancy hotel.

    I tried to argue that this man did not know my son that all of his knowing was through the lens of a mother's fear.

    Still I do not know if it is right to force us to face an outcome that a professional divines. There is a rabbi in LA who is a multi term felon. His family called him a no goodnik. He founded with his wife a renowned spiritually based addiction facility.

    What the psychiatrist told you did not portend or delimit the future. There was a kindness there.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
  20. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I finally was able to bring up the strange comments to my son, and he honestly couldn't even remember texting it to my husband, and claims he was really drunk.

    He said he thought he could drink once in a while but is seeing he can't.... he says it's been increasing lately. Which I knew of course.

    He apologized for putting us through this ..... and I do know he feels badly. However, I've also been hearing this for a while now. I told him that the only one who can do anything is him... and that it takes work.

    He is all excited about the fine arts school but I told him his anxiety will most likely show up again... and he needs to be prepared to deal with it. This is basically his last chance at school... as he is on probabtion with the student loans and if he fails he can't apply again for a long time. He is also kicked out of university for at least a year. Part of me wants him to go through the process of having his grades wiped due to his mental health and addictions (he would have a good chance of this) but the other part of me wants him to see there is an end of the line... and he is there. I am not even going to suggest anything at this point other than try and be supportive and realistic.....

    I think I am actually quite pessimistic at this point and wish I wasn't so negative, but I don't think he really understands that despite wanting to do this program he has many demons that will be there... and sheer will alone might not be enough. Doing some work with a counsellor and maybe going back to AA meetings now instead of waiting until school starts. When I say this he agrees but nothing changes.
     
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