Scent of Cedar *
Well-Known Member
Our 14 year old granddaughter is living with her aunt. (The sister of the male who beat difficult child daughter almost two weeks ago, now, and left her for dead.) The 14 year old is picking up in school, pulling her grades up. According to the aunt, granddaughter's attitude has changed 100%. I received a call from granddaughter last night, asking me to encourage her mom, my difficult child daughter, to sign the temporary custody forms so granddaughter could take Driver's Ed, and could do other things that require the signature of a legal guardian. Granddaughter sounded like a different girl than she has, in the past months while under her mother's (and her father's) influence.
difficult child daughter's response to her own daughter is that she intends to bring her family back together, and that granddaughter will be leaving the aunt's home before Christmas. This is horrible in and of itself, but is more horrible still when you understand that there is a certain amount of money which goes to the person who has legal custody of this child.
I am so disgusted and ashamed of difficult child daughter I could spit. At the same time, I feel disloyal. I remember Recovering fought for custody of her own grandchild, and that was the right thing....
I think I am advising difficult child daughter correctly.
The aunt cleaned the apartment of difficult child and the man who abused her. She found crushed pills, needles, and booze bottles.
I called Social Services. Their policy is to reunite mother and child. I explained the backstory. There are no exceptions to their policy of reuniting mother and child. The social worker suggested that we continue to be supportive. She did give me the number of family intervention for the county granddaughter is in.
I am adding things as I reread before posting. Hope not too confusing.
I called difficult child. No answer. Sent her a FB, asking her to allow granddaughter to stay with her aunt. Not even permanently, but temporarily, for the sake of the child. Without addressing that issue at all, difficult child daughter sent me pictures taken of her in the hospital right after the beating.
And though it was shocking, expecting to have received some kind of response about the custody thing and being confronted with those horrible pictures instead...all at once I could see, so clearly, just what Recovering Enabler had told me was going on when my daughter would tell me, in excruciating detail, when someone had hurt her.
Just as those pictures, those horrible pictures of an unrecognizable difficult child were sent instead of the response about the custody thing I was expecting to shock and horrify me...so are the stories of abuse meant to shock and horrify and punish me.
I was a nurse.
I have seen worse.
Car crashes, terrible surgeries, festering wounds that will not heal and eventually, kill the patient.
So, difficult child's pictures didn't affect me as she had hoped. If that was her intention. I am not sure why I believe such terrible things. But it does seem that difficult child daughter...I don't know.
I just talked to difficult child. She says she will sign the temp custody form.
What I am telling myself now is that I knew this was not going to be pleasant. I spoke to the aunt, and to granddaughter, this morning, too. I believe this is the right thing. And, as we all say here all the time, it is the situation that is impossible. There is not going to be a good outcome. But we do need to take the responsibility we have to make whatever choices are ours to make. Right or wrong, I believe I made the right choice for my granddaughter.
difficult child daughter was crying, angry, hurt. Tells me everyone is turning their backs on her. I encouraged her to think about the situation as temporary. To see it as letting the kids stay in their stable places for now, and for her to have these months to herself to heal, here with us.
difficult child daughter began making veiled references to suicide.
Cedar
difficult child daughter's response to her own daughter is that she intends to bring her family back together, and that granddaughter will be leaving the aunt's home before Christmas. This is horrible in and of itself, but is more horrible still when you understand that there is a certain amount of money which goes to the person who has legal custody of this child.
I am so disgusted and ashamed of difficult child daughter I could spit. At the same time, I feel disloyal. I remember Recovering fought for custody of her own grandchild, and that was the right thing....
I think I am advising difficult child daughter correctly.
The aunt cleaned the apartment of difficult child and the man who abused her. She found crushed pills, needles, and booze bottles.
I called Social Services. Their policy is to reunite mother and child. I explained the backstory. There are no exceptions to their policy of reuniting mother and child. The social worker suggested that we continue to be supportive. She did give me the number of family intervention for the county granddaughter is in.
I am adding things as I reread before posting. Hope not too confusing.
I called difficult child. No answer. Sent her a FB, asking her to allow granddaughter to stay with her aunt. Not even permanently, but temporarily, for the sake of the child. Without addressing that issue at all, difficult child daughter sent me pictures taken of her in the hospital right after the beating.
And though it was shocking, expecting to have received some kind of response about the custody thing and being confronted with those horrible pictures instead...all at once I could see, so clearly, just what Recovering Enabler had told me was going on when my daughter would tell me, in excruciating detail, when someone had hurt her.
Just as those pictures, those horrible pictures of an unrecognizable difficult child were sent instead of the response about the custody thing I was expecting to shock and horrify me...so are the stories of abuse meant to shock and horrify and punish me.
I was a nurse.
I have seen worse.
Car crashes, terrible surgeries, festering wounds that will not heal and eventually, kill the patient.
So, difficult child's pictures didn't affect me as she had hoped. If that was her intention. I am not sure why I believe such terrible things. But it does seem that difficult child daughter...I don't know.
I just talked to difficult child. She says she will sign the temp custody form.
What I am telling myself now is that I knew this was not going to be pleasant. I spoke to the aunt, and to granddaughter, this morning, too. I believe this is the right thing. And, as we all say here all the time, it is the situation that is impossible. There is not going to be a good outcome. But we do need to take the responsibility we have to make whatever choices are ours to make. Right or wrong, I believe I made the right choice for my granddaughter.
difficult child daughter was crying, angry, hurt. Tells me everyone is turning their backs on her. I encouraged her to think about the situation as temporary. To see it as letting the kids stay in their stable places for now, and for her to have these months to herself to heal, here with us.
difficult child daughter began making veiled references to suicide.
Cedar