Warrior Mom perks

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Feb 18, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi all -

    You know I thought this may be a little tongue in cheek cheery-type post after Timer ladies post and NVTS's posts about how we deal as parents with difficult children. But I thought I would share this story.

    In it you can find disappointment, joy, frustration, tenacity, pointing out the lie, asking to prove the lie, tough-love and a willingness to fight for what is right. Much like a battle with a psychiatrist or school - for a difficult child.

    So Valentines day is coming. And I have a sister that we suspect while genius, has the personality of a toad and no compassion for our Mom. Perhaps Aspie. Anyway every year/holiday that I can I send my Mom flowers. For a long time I put my sisters name on the card and Mom figured out she had nothing to do with it. So they started just coming from me. I realized that this in a way hurt Mom (that sis wasn't participating) so I started adding her name to the cards again (this past birthday of Moms) and send sister an email telling her she was on the card. She walked in and said "OH Star sent you flowers again?" Like (SLAP) duh - So Mom knew and called my bluff.

    So for Valentines day I ordered from an on line flower company 1-800 something. The picture of red, white and pink roses were simply stunning. I made the card out and signed sisters name again - and quickly sent her an email telling her to NOT act surprised. Her reply - How much do I owe? I said nothing - Just take Mom out to dinner somewhere nice since I can't. She agreed.

    Well the flowers came - and OMG what a disappointment. They were burgundy with black tips, red/pinkish, and yellow. My Mom dislikes yellow roses and I've NEVER ever gotten them for her. No one has. But she opened them, put them in a vase, called and thanked me and sent me a picture of the "beautiful" flowers. This is the disappointment part. They were NOT beautiful - I had gone to a lot of trouble to organize gift wrap in the same colors and sent packages out in time for V day. To get all at once in a color-coordinated effort (This is the joy part)

    Well she would NEVER say a think about the flowers except that they were very pretty. Not ever a snarl or a "you know I don't care for these" just over joyed at the thought. I was ANGRY and my head blew off. (this is frustration)

    So I called the flower place and couldn't get through. I kept calling and finally sent an email. (tenacity) and got an email reply from a 3rd world country saying I could have 20% off my next purchase. WELL DANDY - I never intend on ordering flowers again if you can't get THIS right - my first order. DUH. So I called and lines were busy, I kept calling, I kept calling, and I finally got a human. I told her that since my father passed - my mom used to get red roses from him wtih 2 white roses from us girls and when the grands came - a pink rose for each of them. And she started to say on the site it says the florist can substitute - (I had already checked) and I said show me where I'm on line now. She could not. (lie and caught in a lie) and I told her that offering me 20% wasn't going to get it - let me just cut to the quick and tell you the ONLY thing that will rectify this situation was 18 roses in red, pink and white sent out and delivered TODAY or TOMORROW. (see the tough love here? Huh? are you smiling)

    I was put on hold, and the gal came back and said she would be putting an order in TODAY for red, white, and pink roses 18 to be delivered tomorrow to my Mom with an apology note from the florist and if they wanted me to have them call my Mom they would also. Not necessary.

    So tomorrow 4 days after valentines - my Mom will get the correct color and stem length because I did not care that the growers were out of stock on red, white and pink - and what they sent were not premium roses, they were garden variety I could have gone to Lowes with cutters and done better.

    I got off the phone and thought - OMG years ago I would have never even called let alone stayed with it - and not settled for what I wanted to make it right in my mind.

    So hats off......

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Star, your mother is lucky to have a daughter like you. Hope your sister took her out to dinner and hope the flowers arrive as ordered. Way To Go on being a Warrior Daughter!
  3. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    :flowers:How wonderful!!!! I hope Mom got to go out to dinner & enjoys her new "correct" flowers from you!!!!!!
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    The benefits of years of being a warrior Mom to a difficult child. :cheers:

    Would you believe that once upon a time I was a meek, shy, never talk back to anyone sort of person???

    :rofl: Life with difficult children sure cured me of that.

    I'm so glad you're Mom's getting her lovely flowers. You're a wonderful daughter to do that for her. And I hope sis took her out to an nice dinner.

    Way to go. :flowers:
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I got off the phone and thought - OMG years ago I would have never even called let alone stayed with it - and not settled for what I wanted to make it right in my mind.

    So hats off......

    Absolutely! You GO!!!!!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Absolutely! You GO!!!!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Wonderful way to handle things. Isn't it amazing that we CAN get something positive out of all those years of difficult child handling?? I have never been one to let things ride. Not since I was a teen and figured out that many businesses COUNT on you never pestering them for the correct item.

    As a mom of kids with food issues, this came in handy bigtime. Esp when thank you's burgers had to be meat and bread only. They really HATE it when I stop and check the meal before I drive off. They have learned that with ME it pays to makeit right the first time, because I WILL stop your line up until it is done right. Even if it takes 4 tries, just like with difficult child.

    Glad your mom got the right roses.

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Ah.....My sister in true Disorder fashion - came to the door on Valentines day and told my Mother the details of her 'fast oncoming' illness - so they decided to go to dinner Sis said on Saturday around 4 ish.

    So mom got dressed, hair, makeup, pretty red outfit, earrings - the works all red - and waited so she wouldn't make my sister wait. Sister gets VERY irritable if you make her wait just the teentsiest second. She'll **** air, roll her eyes, exhale - the works.

    So there is MOm - 4, 4:30 - 5, 5:30 - 6 - and finally she calls my sister to see if something is wrong - or if plans got changed - and nope - she's been sleeping WHY? "WHY My Mom asked? I thought we were going to dinner at 4:00." and my sister in her infinite jerk self centered twisted face reply said "Well I would have guessed anyone would have given up if i wasn't there at 4:30 - but no - you drag it out until 6:00 and then call wondering where I am - really Mom - what's the deal?"

    My sister is a very intelligent woman - she's got degrees out her wazoo, she works at a hospital, she's in a position of power more or less teaching doctors about radiology - and still - treats our Mom like this. If she's not a high functioning aspie I don't know what is. You can't talk to her - she can't ever get along with co-workers EVER, her sense of what is funny just isn't to anyone but her daughter - and you can't sit and have a conversation with her EVER. I think this is it for me -

    I'm over being the big sister and forgiving all the time = I asked her to do one simple thing in 2 years - and she sleeps in - and then is defensive? Good for her - I'm done. She's a she jerk - a herk.

    Joining the crowd with idiot sisters.
    Here i am.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I had a great reply, hit a key and it vanished. (I'm having a night lol)

    I don't know about the aspie part. Sounds like good ol' fashioned self centered rudeness to me.

    Yep. Sounds like, genius or not, sis is a major jerk and a half.

    I'm just shaking my head at what she said to your Mom!

  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Aspies may be self-centered but they usually keep their word. Your sister sounds more like a narcissistic, evil-tempered, selfish witch spelled with a capital B! Your poor mother. She must have been so hurt.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Star, your sister sounds like my sister's identical twin. I had to seek counseling to learn how to deal with my sister finally and the counselor said to me, "Even without meeting your sister, I can tell you from the bottom of my gut that she would likely be diagnosed with "Narcissistic Borderline Personality Disorder"". I have no doubts about that.

    I bought the book:[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Workbook-Personality/dp/1572242760/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203427986&sr=1-3"]The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder[/ame] by Randi Kreger and James Paul Shirley
    This book was a life saver for me a couple of years ago. I carried so much guilt for not liking my sister very much and so much within this book validated my understanding of her and how I reacted to her. I highly recommend it!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member