What will it take to get son put in residential

[mollyzuzu]

Hi all, I have been posting concerning my son in and out of mental hospital, bipolar, autism, adhd, cannabis disorder, substance abuse and the list of diagnosis goes on.

He is on a court order not to do drugs, alcohol, steal and he is supposed to listen to his parents till next august. He has used and stolen drugs too many times to count since order was placed on him. He is getting worse and worse. Was just inpatient intensive for being a danger to himself with drugs two weeks ago for 8 days, came out and said he was suicidal two days afterwars. Took him to ER last monday for ideation. Just yesteday went to ER again for stealing and taking too much benadryl. Had him booked and finger printed. NOW what? Social workers wont' even send him up to state mental hospital. I have tried to get him into a residential drug andalcohol program but they cant deal with all he needs. Tried to get him into an inpatient drug and alcohol program they won't take him because he needs higher level of care.

SHOULDNT the county workers that have been assigned to my son be putting him somewhere? He is a danger to himslef, I cannot keep him safe and I have told them that. They say do the best that I can. I am afraid that he is going to snap one of these days and do something to my other son or us. He has never been violent in the past, but who knows?

I have a call into his case worker this morning and his AODA thaerapist (which is a joke). AODA therapist emailed me this morning to tell me that she will see him theis wednedsay for their appointment, let her know if something else happens. All this AFTER he was in the hospital and booked for theft yesterday. Where was my phone call from them to tell me what they are going to do?! I just don't get it.

 

[RN0441]

Welcome Molly:

What a roller-coaster you are on. Where do you live? How old is your son?

I just wanted to get more information so others can respond!

 

[mollyzuzu]

Just got offf the phone with AODA therapist, she said she did not want to revoke him and put him up in mental hospital because he needs to "learn" in the community. Well, don't you think he would leanr NOT to steal and do drugs??? if he was going to learn? She said she will revoke him if he does something like this in the next week or so. She also said they do not really know what to do for him either. RNp441 ... son turns 16 end of this month and we are in Waukesha County, Wisconsin.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi. I am also a cheesehead. Welcome!

I am currently in Wood county. I am surprised your sons worker or doctors have not at least put him into community services. I have an autistic son. Granted he is easier...one diagnosis, no drugs....but he got amazing community services through his school and the community and he is doing really well. Is the school helping? Does your son get SSI? He probably qualifies. If he did, he would get a case manager.

There are group homes the state may pay for here in Wood County. I assume they have them in all counties of Wisconsin.

 

[mollyzuzu]

He does qualify for Katie Beckett, so he gets medical paid through the state. Thank goodness with all the hospital visits and ambulance rides.

Has a case worker. There's been talk lately of a therapeutic foster home, but then they also mentioned a group home. None have beds right now and they mention trying to get the right fit. Just does not seem to be happening quick enough for me, sign. As far as community, I am not clear what you mean? He has done,all sorts of therapy and has been in so getting called opportunities in, where they take him and be with him for volunteering and find out about possible jobs,and or careers. But, he rather burned that bridge by stealing, using, and having a lighter.

So, Katie Beckett has funded therapy, but face to face is not and has not worked for more than 10 years and here,we,are now.

I am told he needs to go through a checklist of sorts for help and then he may qualify for residential. But I am afraid he may very well perish before he meets qualification.

Again, I thank our stars for Katie,Beckett. I want to check out group homes for when he turns s 18 and then he most likely will qualify for SSI unless he turns around drastically.

 

[mollyzuzu]

To add, school has not really helped much. He is in alternative school now for his second year of high school. They told us we could send him wherever we wanted, our choice, as long as it was in our district. No offer of residential from them. He had so much anxiety at the high school, he couldn't even go through the thresholds. Was always marked tardy and or absent. Tons of detentions and suspensions, finally mutual agreement to pull him last October

 

[BusynMember]

I wish I had more to offer. I think you are doing your gallant best with a very challenged boy. Bless you. Try to find time, even if its a half hour, to be nice to yourself. Do you have a spouse, other family member or dear friend for support? A therspist for yourself?
One big thing you can do is contact your local National Alliance for the Mentally Ill called NAMI. They have classes and support for caregivers and possibly help. I hear they are excellent. I know Wisconsin has NAMI around.

 

[Littleboylost]

Welcome MZ and what a path you have been on. My son is older and has had us on quite a ride for the past 4 of his 18 years.

I too get so frustrated at the lag of active support. We just keep pushing and hoping.

Be good to yourself and get the help that you need to stay well.

I went down a mental rabbit hole, I am now focusing on therapy and detachment for myself.

I still advocate for care for my son, but ultimately I can't kill myself to recuse him.

 

[mollyzuzu]

Bless all of you....hugs too. This is such a tough predicament for all of us to be in. If there were just clear cut help for these kids, but they are not cookie cutters, each different just like snowflakes.

Another hoop to jump through. Case worker emailed me yesterday to tell me that I need to sign releases for them to start looking for group homes. BUT, son must complete a drug and alcohol rehab program before he goes into a group home. We have made the deductibles and out of pocket expenses for this year and we can put him in a rehab program that is IF WE CAN find one that will take him. Two have already turned us down, needs too much and higher level of care than they can offer, yikes one is an inpatient hospital for goodness sake and they can't handle him?! Who will be able to.

Over the weekend, son stole benedryl over the weekend and was booked, not sure how this will figure in getting a rehab. I have one more suggestion from the insurance company that he will be assessing with tomorrow. If all goes well, he will stay for up to 30 days. Hubby said that insurance guy told him that they will review every few days, and if he stops makeing progress, they will not pay. It will be at that point we will need to pull him. We cannot afford to self pay. sigh.... never a dull moment. And.... he's a runner. He has not run from home for a long time, but who knows what he will do once he is away from us.

So, I will go sign the release forms today at noon and hopefully hear about insurance coverage by same time. Hope for the best tomorrow

 

[mollyzuzu]

Well, just received two turn downs from drug and alcohol rehab in the last hour for son. Both say he needs higher level of care than they can provide. Talked to another one two days ago who also turned him down. So, I have one final rehab to take him to for assessment tomorrow. After that I have no clue what to do. Game plan was to have him do rehab and then case worker just told me they would place him into a group home. But they won't put him into a group home until he does the drug and alcohol rehab. So it seems lije,we are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Looks like we just may HAVE to make him a,ward of the state to get him the treatment that he needs,as,we cannot afford it privately.

Kind of scary to think there is nothing out there that has the level of care that he needs.

 

[Lila256]

I don't have any specific ideas, but I just wanted to respond to let you know that I completely understand the utter frustration that you are going through. My partner and I have been wondering the same thing. We have been trying to get my stepson help for years, and for the most part not one person has done their job or been of much help. CPS just dropped him off in our driveway even after he made an attempt on not only his father's life, but committed multiple other violent crimes against others (including minors), because they don't know what else to do with him. The court won't have him committed to some type of psychiatric facility, and they also won't put him in jail. We refused to take him back into our home because of major safety concerns, and now they are trying to charge his dad and biological mom with neglect. His mom is a piece of work, but she actually hasn't been neglectful in this recent go-round, and we have been fighting for help from everyone for years. It's just completely surreal when you get to a certain stage in the process and every avenue is a dead end.

 

[Littleboylost]

I am so very tires of these experiences of frustration. No assistance on the counties we live in is simply unacceptable.

My heart is with you both.

 

[mollyzuzu]

Thank you thank you for your replies. this system is sooo sooo messed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Road blocks rverywhere you go. We have reached our dead end if you may say that. Son is still in rehab, finally found a place to take him and he has been there 3 weeks. approved for onr more week and then he comes home. Yay? they don't make him get up until noon, bbecause after all that is part of the program and he has to take ownership. So, he misses all the morning group sessions. He says he wants to come home, but I figure he will go righ tback to using. So, he is staying there until insurance company says no more. Like many others, the county will not put him in a mental institute, which is what he clearly needs. There is no place for him. He is so very behind in his school work and that in itself is a total joke, he is in an alternative shcool where they dont even do any work, they just show up. Hubby and I went to see an attorny yesterday to see if we could make him a ward of the state and lo and behold................we CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because he already has had a JIPS placed on hijm in January and he is in the system already. All we can do is hound the county workers and hope that they will put him somewhere soon, before he kills himslef. Isn't this terrible!! But true, so many like this. I never thought this would be something I would be caught into, but I am and I CANNOT HELP either my son or the system. It is soooooo frustrating. We are now hoping to get him to his 18th birthday and get him SSI and get him into a group home, that's if he lives that llong, he just turned 16.

I am so diappointed, sad, frustrated, depressed, and just...........................dissed in every way. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[RN0441]

Is sober living or that type of environment a possibility? Our son never stayed sober after rehab. 30 days is just not NEARLY long enough. And that age...UGH.

Now he is in a 13 month program so we have more hope.

 

[Littleboylost]

Our sons CD and drug use started at 15 we tried everything to get him help and keep him in school. Here where I live they are given the right to consent to care and can emancipate from their parents. True age of emancipation is 18. So you are stuck with a child who need help that you can't make get help but can't put them out of your home.

We have been through this hell for 3 years now. My son is now out on his own. He refused any form of help. We tried absolutely everything. The lying, the stealing, the manipulation and the drugging put us into a tail spin we simply can't do it any more.

He comes and collects belongings and demands money other than that we don't hear from him.we do not give him money.

This is very hard.

We love our son and will never give up on him. If he ever wants help we will support him 100%. We will no longer enable his bad choices or bad behaviour.

You are not alone. The system does fail us and it is beyond frustrating.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. It makes no sense.

Doesn't it make you want to find some really hungry hotshot attorney and file a lawsuit because they didn't do their jobs? CPS sure hasn't protected him. I don't know what needing services has to do with becoming a ward of the state. You need some hungry attorney to sue them for this so that you can get them to change this for the next kid coming down the system.

It sure seems like they just don't want to help anyone. Or does it just seem like that to me? Am I looking at things from a skewed perspective?

 

[BusynMember]

As a foster parent i know the eerie power of CPS and what they get away with by being part of the government. A lawyer can rarely fairly take on CPS. They usually win. I know people who have had their kids removed for lies and NO REASON and CPS wins in court. I would not waste money to sue CPS unless you are very rich. The legal system and CPS are both powerful and government allies. I had a lawyer tell me "i will do what I can, but right or wrong, judges tend to go along with CPS." If you dont have endless money it probably isnt worth the battle. Focus on seeing another way to help your child. This is just me, somebody who learned the apalling power of U.S. CPS when I did foster care. There are books written about unfair treatment by CPS and how its very hard or impossible to get justice. Or their kids back. Even with good lawyers.

CPS is a big government agency that makes so many mistakes, but does not have to make things right. Most foster parents get to know CPS because strangers tend to call CPS on them for idiotic reasons, especially if your kid is of another race.

I am just offering the option of saving your money. Not all can afford to pay for a long law suit with a lawyer. It is beyond the means of many. Lawyers are not cheap. And come with no guarantees.

Take care.