Most of you who have been here a while know that my only bro is a difficult child and I have cut all contact with him. I love him and want the best for him, but he is not someone who can be n my life or my kids' lives safely. It was so hard to cut those ties, but it was the best thing I could have done for my family, even though it hurt my parents.
Recently my mom has asked me some things about bro. She seems to want info on his dating history with women. While we didn't live near each other, I do know far more about his dating history than my parents do. Bro used to really get something out of telling me things I did NOT want to know and trying to pry intimate details of my life out of me. He was always WAY inappropriate about oversharing.
I know some things that my mother would find devastating, and it is likely that she is fairly clueless about how inappropriate he actually has been. It has been my unpleasant surprise on at least 2 occasions to have women I have never met or even seen call me and ask how to get bro to leave them alone. One woman even went and got a gun and learned to shoot because he scared her that much. This was about a decade ago. I am glad she didn't shoot him, but I learned some pretty disturbing things.
Most upsetting to me is that the women have pretty much said the same things. That he didn't seem to understand the word no, that if other people hadn't been around then the women felt he would have raped them, and that the way that he was with them brought up memories of past sexual assault/abuse. I know that 2 of the women who said that he brought up memories/PTSD are women who had been in therapy and had relationships with men between their assaults and their dating bro. So it wasn't that he was just the first man they attempted to be with. It is something specific about him that brings up these feelings.
I wouldn't even consider telling my mom this except that our last few discussions have contained some questions about him and how he is when dating a woman and how women perceive his attentions. I really don't know what to tell her. I honestly don't think she will believe me. She still doesn't beleive that he has done even a fraction of the things I have told her. She says she accepts that in my reality it happened that way, but she seems to think that my reality and the reality that everyone else lives in are different. Some years back I thought bro was dating a woman who lived a couple hours away from him and they met up at rodeos every month. This was the frst woman he told my folks about. This woman called me about five mos after he first mentioned her and she BEGGED me to get him to leave her alone.
it is hard to say this, but he wasn't dating her. he was stalking her. She let him buy her a drink after dancing at a rodeo. I think maybe they made out a bit. Whatever he did really upset her, and she had to get someone else to stop him.
I don't know if my mom is looking for info to figure out why he never has a girlfriend, or if she has figured out that something is really wrong with him (doubtful), or if she is just trying to figure out how to make me agree to have him in our lives again. or if he has a girlfriend or woman he has fixated on who has gone to my mom for help.
If you have read all of this and understand it, any suggestions? At this point I am planning to NOT say anything to my mom. Mostly because I don't want the drama/conflama. I hate being accused of wanting bad things for him, and I cannot htink of anything to say about bro and dating other than he tends to either pick psychos or scare off women by being inappropriate and doing something to trigger PTSD from past abuse/assault.
I SOOOOO DO NOT want to have anything to say about this, but I don't want to lie to my mom either.
Thanks for any input.
Recently my mom has asked me some things about bro. She seems to want info on his dating history with women. While we didn't live near each other, I do know far more about his dating history than my parents do. Bro used to really get something out of telling me things I did NOT want to know and trying to pry intimate details of my life out of me. He was always WAY inappropriate about oversharing.
I know some things that my mother would find devastating, and it is likely that she is fairly clueless about how inappropriate he actually has been. It has been my unpleasant surprise on at least 2 occasions to have women I have never met or even seen call me and ask how to get bro to leave them alone. One woman even went and got a gun and learned to shoot because he scared her that much. This was about a decade ago. I am glad she didn't shoot him, but I learned some pretty disturbing things.
Most upsetting to me is that the women have pretty much said the same things. That he didn't seem to understand the word no, that if other people hadn't been around then the women felt he would have raped them, and that the way that he was with them brought up memories of past sexual assault/abuse. I know that 2 of the women who said that he brought up memories/PTSD are women who had been in therapy and had relationships with men between their assaults and their dating bro. So it wasn't that he was just the first man they attempted to be with. It is something specific about him that brings up these feelings.
I wouldn't even consider telling my mom this except that our last few discussions have contained some questions about him and how he is when dating a woman and how women perceive his attentions. I really don't know what to tell her. I honestly don't think she will believe me. She still doesn't beleive that he has done even a fraction of the things I have told her. She says she accepts that in my reality it happened that way, but she seems to think that my reality and the reality that everyone else lives in are different. Some years back I thought bro was dating a woman who lived a couple hours away from him and they met up at rodeos every month. This was the frst woman he told my folks about. This woman called me about five mos after he first mentioned her and she BEGGED me to get him to leave her alone.
it is hard to say this, but he wasn't dating her. he was stalking her. She let him buy her a drink after dancing at a rodeo. I think maybe they made out a bit. Whatever he did really upset her, and she had to get someone else to stop him.
I don't know if my mom is looking for info to figure out why he never has a girlfriend, or if she has figured out that something is really wrong with him (doubtful), or if she is just trying to figure out how to make me agree to have him in our lives again. or if he has a girlfriend or woman he has fixated on who has gone to my mom for help.
If you have read all of this and understand it, any suggestions? At this point I am planning to NOT say anything to my mom. Mostly because I don't want the drama/conflama. I hate being accused of wanting bad things for him, and I cannot htink of anything to say about bro and dating other than he tends to either pick psychos or scare off women by being inappropriate and doing something to trigger PTSD from past abuse/assault.
I SOOOOO DO NOT want to have anything to say about this, but I don't want to lie to my mom either.
Thanks for any input.