So You Think You Had A Bad Day
Just in case you think you've had a bad day, consider how is could have been much, much worse ....
=> CURL UP AND DIE I walked into a hair salon with my fiance and son in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
=> LADY GOLFER I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I wasunhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for severalminutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who worksat the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked athim and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." =
> NUTS ABOUT YOU My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behindthe counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just lookingat your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has neverlet me forget. =>
NA-NA NA-NA NA-NAH! While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to releasesome pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of herafter receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I toldher that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just asthreatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that Isaw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafeningafter this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they weredoing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bankwith my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closedbehind me were screams of laughter.
=> SURPRISE! It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but myparents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over fora romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard thetelephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her anude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of thestairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,"SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friendswere standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shockand embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one inmy family has planned a surprise party again.
=> PRICELESS One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in along time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discountstore. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of heritems had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got onthe intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ONLANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody atthe rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "TAMPAX" for"THUMBTACKS." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over theintercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KINDYOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
That makes me cringe just to think about it. Of course my boobs (not big enough to be called ta-ta's) have been so sore, that I can hardly stand for my shirt to touch them.
spray! Humane cuz spiders get to live but you can't see them. 
Well..........now don't I feel flat chested. 
