You can only help so much.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by AnnieO, Oct 13, 2017.

  1. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Belle has been out of prison for 2 1/2 years now. Was doing really well. Good mama to Charlie. Over time, we got complacent again. She had a garage door opener, and the code to the garage in case she needed it.

    We allowed them to live with us for about 2 months when Wyatt's mother kicked them out, 3 days before Christmas. That was enough!!! As roommates go, they were okay, but I wanted my house back. They found a place, lived there about 3 months, then moved again. Supposedly it was because the landlord wasn't fixing things and then when he DID, he would show up about 10 PM... Belle worked for a pizza place during this, for about 3 months. Wyatt has bounced from Craigslist job to Craigslist job.

    Bill got them cell phones and put them on his plan. Took them to Sam's Club to shop for food. Gave them gas money. Gave them other money. Has since Belle got out of prison bought her three vehicles. The first she scrapped for $97, the second we ended up getting back because she felt it was "unsafe". The third she was supposed to pay for and hadn't (came from a friend of Bill's), so Bill has been paying him as much as he can.

    A few little things were appropriated here and there, but nothing big - like a night light I had gotten at the dollar store - I figured she thought she'd bought it. No big deal. Till about a month ago when a very expensive power tool went missing (think $500). Food missing... At first I thought I was losing my mind, but nobody misplaces that much chicken.

    Then last Monday we discovered that several (again expensive) items were missing, in such a way that, had we not stumbled on them, we could have gone quite a bit longer without discovering the theft. Other things, just as valuable but more easily noticed, were still there. And when all the clues are added up, it says that at least Wyatt was involved. Add in Belle's reaction and... *sigh*

    I hate that I won't have much time with my grandchildren... But I'm so done.
     
  2. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that its starting up again. Stay strong!
     
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm so sorry!! That is the worst feeling when you know your child has stolen from you.

    Do what ever you have to so you and your belongings are safe.

    :notalone::staystrong:
     
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    We have such hope and then we don't.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Oh no! I'm so sorry.

    They are definitely taking advantage of you and overstepping boundaries.

    Do you think there is drug use involved? I know my son would never steal from us if he was not drug minded. It doesn't make it any easier though that's for sure.

    I have always said "do not mistake kindness for weakness". That has happened to me a lot in my life.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I have to admit, this made laugh!
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  7. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Oh Annie. After months/yrs. we do get complacent. We want so much for it not to be starting up again.
    This is always my go-to thought. I always assume that "I spent that $", "someone else borrowed that thing"
    The last time my son went through my room, dug for my hidden purse and took who knows what---he accidently left something on my bed where he had done his ransacking. Just didn't see that he dropped it? or did I interrupt his mission? Our counselor said it was fortunate for us that he had done that because we knew without a doubt that he had once again broken our trust. I needed that confirmation to feel sane.
    We were too kind but not totally weak. He admitted when confronted he had taken medications, but wouldn't admit to money which I knew was gone also. His answer was "mom, it's not living, it's called surviving". So, he is no longer allowed inside our home. I hate it. And I hate that he rationalizes his actions against the people who love him the most and always will. This is a minefield isn't it, no matter where you step...
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    RN0441... Sadly, I do. Not sure it is Belle, though.

    Tanya - You seeing that made me laugh, I didn't realize it was funny but now that I go back and read it... LOL! Seriously though. I buy huge packages and break them down. We're talking 50 pounds of chicken just going poof. I can see leaving a couple pieces in a bag on the counter and Bill sweeping them into the trash (ugh), but...
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    So Ready... Yep. I hate that feeling. But I know now it's not me. I'm sad, and angry, and just plain tired.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  10. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Our difficult adult children are like black holes that suck the life force right out of us. I don't think they ever give a thought to how much energy it takes for us to deal with them and all the raw emotion that comes with it. I think I'd rather run a marathon and I'm not a runner.
    :treadmill:
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Belle

    So what is your plan? Are you going to confront them/her?

    Is she pregnant again?
     
  12. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh Annie...it's so horrible when something like this happens. The denials were almost as bad as the betrayal. We had a 3-person household. Did he expect us to believe the other parent stole it? The last straw for us was cash we'd been saving. He left just enough $1 bills and pennies that at a glance it looked as though the money was there. That he did that to us still breaks my heart.

    I assume you've taken back the garage door opener?

    I'm just so sorry.
     
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    We are so there with you. I am also the same way feel like I am losing my mind and thing ....I must have miscounted that money. We almost lost a family heirloom yesterday husband forgot to lock it in the NEW SAFE. Ya I really love how we have to live.
    You are not alone. Sigh is right.
    :staystrong:
    :(:cry:
     
  14. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    YES!!!!

    I'm so sorry this is happening again, Belle.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I totally know how you feel though.

    As far as difficult adult children being black holes sucking the life force right out of us, well, I can understand that. I still remember the night my hubby called my difficult brother a Swirling Vortex of Negativity. I think it was just incredibly apt in so many ways at so many times.

    As for stuff being missing, how do they expect us not to notice? I know they are family, but have you considered putting up a security camera without saying anything and then calling the cops? Especially if expensive tools are going missing?
     
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Already have, and the first day - they were randomly suggesting other people who "might" have been the thieves, none of which had any real basis. However... After we discovered Rose's coin jar, with around $100 in it, missing... After Belle mentioned it pointedly on Monday... Belle went off the deep end and started denying hysterically. JUST like she did back in the drug days, when she stole anything that wasn't nailed down. Who steals from a child?! UGH.

    And yes, she is pregnant again.

    OH, YES. Bill called them and demanded they come over immediately. We've also changed the code. They won't be getting in easily.

    HAD a camera up. It is very unreliable though... We got all kinds of pictures here and there, sometimes 100+ a day, other days nothing. And, well, we did walk past it DAILY.
     
  17. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Ours once pawned Jabber's guitars. Not only were they in the living room, but Jabber took a guitar lesson EVERY WEEK. Really? How were we not supposed to find that out?

    Ugh...the denials. Our son actually helped us look for a bag of home improvement items he'd returned to the store! Another person, not our son, just staying with us for a few days, stood in front of us and said, "Wow, it's so messed up that anyone would take your movies." when HE'D been the one who took them!

    Yep. Definitely black hole people.
     
  18. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Ugh. I am so sorry that this is happening again. I am even sorrier that she is pregnant and possibly using. Is her so a past drug user?
     
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    They are both fairly heavy marijuana smokers... While occasional use does not bother me, they are far above that. Also... I don't know if he is a past user or not, but I do know his mother is (and a current alcoholic, I hope I am never on the road near her)... His father died from an overdose. So you'd think that would be a pretty hefty deterrent. I also have been informed through the grapevine that he is/was (??) a dealer. UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!
     
  20. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Ummm...there have been no real studies done on safety of marijuana use as regards the developing embryo/fetus. We do know it is passed on in breast milk. We are also finding some issues with heavy use. Though recreational or moderate use so far seems fairly safe.

    I should say that I've had psychiatric issues with occasional use back in the 70's, and would not use THC again except under medical supervision. I do however, use CBD and find it helpful for anxiety and pain relief.

    I hate to say it, Annie, but I think a call to CPS might be in order. She is pregnant, has an infant, and is on the verge of losing her home, is food-insecure, and possibly using drugs.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List