Young difficult child may finally be in the right place...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Jan 23, 2014.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi all,
    Well, after my last post, got a call from difficult child's wife letting me know young difficult child was high and threatening to kill himself. Was even hitting himself in the head in front of his children!

    Apparently young difficult child went to get a refill on medications and then didn't return home (his mother in law's house) for quite some time. When he finally got home his wife found that all the previous messages on her phone had been erased. She "knew" that he had gone to buy street drugs NOT go to get a refill for depression medications.

    After an arguement, young difficult child's wife told him "either I leave or you leave" that point young difficult child's mother in law got involved and decided to give young difficult child money and take him wherever he wanted to go. He apparently wanted to go to drug dealer's house (according to daughter in law) as daughter in law called drug dealer the next day and he said young difficult child was at his door but he didn't answer.
    That was last Thursday night.

    That same night (last Thursday) young difficult child called me to say he had nowhere to go and did not know what he was going to do. I was at the casino (an hour to 2 hours away from young difficult child) and the only thing I told him was "you're going to have to figure this out yourself...and I love you."
    No word from him for days.

    Finally, after agonyzing over his whereabouts, I finally got a call from him Tuesday letting me know that he was in psychiatric hospital. He also told me that he had been thinking about throwing himself in front of a train. Then yesterday another call and him letting me know that they determined he needs a longer stay in psychiatric hospital so they were sending him to State hospital.

    Today I got a call from a Dr. at the State hospital where young difficult child is now. The Dr. told me that young difficult child stated that I thought he had Bipolar Disorder like myself and the Dr. wanted to know what lead me to this conclusion. The Dr. asked me a series of questions about his mood, depression, giddy behavior, sleeping patterns, etc. I told him everything I knew going back as far as 3rd grade. I of course told him that young difficult child had been dxd at age 14 with Bipolar Disorder (even before I was dxd). I also told the Dr. about his "hospital hopping" for pain pills and how he was addicted to pain medications and alcohol.

    Sometime after I spoke with the Dr. I missed a call from young difficult child. He left me a voicemail with the phone numbers I could reach him at there. I called tonight and the young man who answered the phone went to get young difficult child. He came back a few mins later to tell me that young difficult child was lying on his bed and did not want to accept any calls at this time.

    I'm pretty sure young difficult child is mad at me right now. I pretty much told the Dr. all and more. BUT...I am at peace knowing that young difficult child may finally, as an adult, be getting the kind of help he needs. It's been a long road. He'll be 25 next month. I can't believe I have been here on the board since young difficult child was 14 and in drug rehab. I hope this story will have a happy ending one of these days.
    It's getting so old...and so am I.

  2. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Oh LMS, I'm so sorry!! I don't know what to say so I will just offer you virtual hugs. ((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LMS, I will say something that will sound funny but this could be a really good thing. The best help we ever got was when C went to our state hospital. The place wasnt much to look at but they were really good.
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    No words of wisdom- just love and support. And gratitude that young difficult child is in a safe place. (((hugs)))
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hey Lady,

    It sounds like this might be a good place for him. Let him be mad all he wants. Friends worry about if you are mad at them. Moms do what is best for you and know that you will get over it when you get your head attached properly again, Know what I mean?? Telling the doctor the entire history is the ONLY way that Youngest is ever going to get the right help. He is way too close to you to cut you off for too long.

    I am proud that you did not rush home to 'fix' him again, but instead you let him work it out. You did good.

    I hope that he will accept the help from the hospital. The state hospital that Wiz was in as far less pretty than the fancy short term one, but hte nurses at least 'got it' at the state hospital. The docs and nurses at the private hospital truly believed that if husband and I spent an hour a day with just Wiz then all of the problems would be fixed. Ever try to make a 13 or 14 yo spend an hour a day alone with one parent, interacting? Much less try to do this twice, once with each parent? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! That is a funny thought, and an impossible task that fixes NOTHING, esp if the child wants to spend zero time with parents! But the private hospital staff truly thought it would 'fix' Wiz' problems. The state hospital didn't address all the problems, but at least they knew that, and didn't offer ridiculous bandaid solutions that were impossible. I know a number of people here who needed real help and didn't get it until they ended up in a state hospital after the private hosps used up their private insurance and medicaid was all that was left.

  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he finally got a good doctor!!! Praying this helps!!!
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you all!
    I AM relieved. The Dr. sounded VERY knowledgable.

    This past week, while watching the news, I have found myself grateful over and over again.
    They found a body in a river the other day...when I hadn't heard from young difficult child. I was so worried...and checked regularly to see if they had identified the body.
    Then, there was an 18 yr old who shot a store clerk and killed him. I know someone who know's this 18 yr old. I kept thinking, "Thank God this is NOT one of my son's outcome's".

    But...husband on the other hand is not so hopeful.
    He see's this (in terms of football) as the 4th quarter. Little time left he says for young difficult child to get his head on straight. It saddens me that husband has such little hope for our son.

    I am going to call the number young difficult child gave to me later on...maybe he will be ready to talk then.

    Thanks again, and especially for the good stories of those who's children have been in State hospital's and finally got the help they need.
    And yes Sig, I too am so very glad that young difficult child is in a safe place. He may be angry or miserable right now...and it's ironic that it wasn't any official or family that put him RIGHT where he may finally get the help he needs.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    My computer has issues so just want you to know I'm glad he is safe and hoping he is receptive to the help offered. Hugs DDD
  9. wg67

    wg67 Member

    Hugs and prayers for you and your difficult child.
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    DDD and wg67 thank you.
    I'm hoping he is receptive to the help offered as well, DDD.

    Just got off the phone with young difficult child...well, I should say just got hung up on by young difficult child. Apparently, he believes our love is "conditional" based on the fact that we had simple rules for him to follow in our home when he got out of prison last Decemeber.

    He says he feels abandoned. That he cry's when he thinks about it.
    He is angry. He says other's in there with him think we are not doing our job as loving parents.

    I don't know how long he expects us to continue to support his drug/alcohol use. He continues to claim that if dad wasn't around that I WOULD let him live with me...not so. I want him to grow up and I told him as much.

    So for more contact til he contacts me. He claims he wants to write a letter and spell out his reasoning. Should be interesting.
    It would appear that all he is doing with his time in the hospital is thinking...obsessing, on how dad and I are wrong.

    The last thing I said to him was that these were "our rules our is that unreasonable?"

    I guess we are too tough...which is laughable!
    I wish we had been "tougher" parents when he was young. Then maybe he wouldn't feel entitled to be taken care of the rest of his life. Mental issues or not...I told him there is no excuse!

  11. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    Hang in there LMS, I hope you can do something nice for yourself tonight. :smile-new:
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    LMS, I've got to admit that I couldn't help but laugh reading your last post when I read "others is there with him think we are not doing our job". Oh my goodness gracious. The picture in my head of difficult child going around to the people he's just met and seeking affirmation that you and husband are the cause of his boggles my mind.

    You know how sincere I am in my support for your family but his latest comments make me hope that someone helps him with a V8 moment....preferably a great psychiatrist! You're doing a good job of hanging in there and we are with you in spirit. DDD
  13. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thanks DDD,
    Your "V8" comment made me laugh, lol.

    I hope he starts working on himself. Otherwise he's wasting precious time. He says he's there in part because he is otherwise homeless. I keep telling him he has made choices and the choices he makes going forward can make ALL the difference.
    It's exhausting and dissapointing listening to him argue. I know he would love for me to let him come live with us and give him all the goodies again...but alas, it would not be enough! He still would find reasons to be discontent and start drinking/drugging.

    I hope one of these days he will get "fearlessly honest" and start doing the work "walking the walk".

    We shall see...
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member


    I am so so glad to hear he is in the hospital for a longer stay and I think it is great the doctor called to get more info. Of course he is angry because you are not helping him get what he wants which is to get high. Take this time to get some good solid sleep while he is safe.

    I am around checking in but am currently overseas on a trip.


    Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LMS, I am glad your son may be receiving the help he needs. Saying a prayer for you and your son and your family.............and sending big hugs too...........
  16. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    LMS, I am pulling for both of you. There seems to be a common thread among difficult child's- when they are bristling and blaming us; it's because they have gotten so uncomfortable in their own skin. Which means they are getting close to having to realize & acknowledge their own responsibility and that's scary. But honestly, it's far scarier when they are faking their way thru and telling us what they know we want to hear; "ye olde lip service."

    So, I am holding you close in my thoughts and hoping he is growing somehow. Xoxo
  17. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you TL,
    I hope you're enjoying your trip! You are so right...difficult child wants to get high and I am sure he is mighty frustrated right now as that desire to use has to be pretty great considering how miserable he sounds.

    Sig, you too are spot on. He is blaming us for having nowhere to go now and it is better than "lip service"...though he is normally "what you see is what you get" kinda guy. Young difficult child can be painfully direct! He uses words though to get a reaction...a negative one much of the time! I too hope he will get straight with himself and start growing again.

    Thank you Recovering enabler, childofmine, Sig, DDD, TL, wg67, PG, Susie, comatheart and Janet.
    Your care means alot to me.
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  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I guess I am fairly lucky that Cory doesnt blame us a bit. He knows inside himself that he is the one who screwed up. That helps a bit. I will never forget the time years ago that he told me "Gosh mom, if I had realized there were girls in school I would have stayed in there!" I
  19. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Your son reminds me of our guy when he was in the hospital last year. Mood ranged between sullen and despondent. Visits no fun. This was because he wanted to go home instead of to 28 day program. Then got to 28 day program. Had same attitude because we insisted he go to sober living program.

    Remember, they are used to covering up their emotions with substances and sometimes it takes months before they are stable. He was somewhat better once he got to sober living although he still had his moments.

    Take care of yourself, LMS!