Drama drama more drama

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    To top off my already bad day there's now difficult child drama. He didn't make level at the group home this week so he freaked out, destroyed the outside mail box, threw a scale, and called and cursed me out bc he cant come live here. He wanted to sign himself out and they said no. He didn't like that one bit. Cops were there and told him if they have to come back he's going to jail! I talked to the staff and the guy was so nice and said don't you dare answer if he keeps calling. He needs to learn to stop doing this and man up. I like the staff there. They are really good and hold him accountable for his actions but he doesnt respond well to that at all. He tried to call like 20 times, left a couple of nasty vm's and that's it as of now. Can't imagine this ending well tonight. Jail or hospital (or both) is what I'm predicting.

    According to him it's all my fault. I'm a horrible mother, a horrible person, etc. I've come to accept the fact that no matter what I do he will always always always blame me for all of his problems.

  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JKF, geez, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this now, I know how difficult it is. I have no pearls of wisdom here, just wanted you to know I read your post and am thinking of you and sending calming vibes and wishes for some peace. Perhaps having the phone divert his calls so that you don't hear it ring nor get the messages, stay clear of the verbal debris being thrown at you. Gentle hugs coming your way..........take a deep breath and go do something really nice for yourself......................
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh JKF - gentle hugs to you. I know how utterly frustrating it is to have the woes of the world laid squarely at your feet. Stunning that some kids this age still don't get basic cause and effect. Feels like you're banging your head against concrete as you try for the umpteenth time to explain to them that you are simply not part of the equation anymore - this is all about his choices.

    It sure does sound like there are some great staff there. That's rare, in my experience, when you're dealing with kids this age. I think it's outstanding that they are holding him accountable. I know with- my son, staff were all about "client-driven" programs, i.e. my difficult child was running the show, and quite poorly at that. ;)

    On a positive note, your difficult child might someday figure out that you are not the cause of all his woes. My kid is 21 now and we've had some really enlightening conversations about his behaviors and choices back in the bad old days. He actually told me the other day that he appreciates everything I tried to do for him. I was stunned. Appreciation has not been in his repertoire, LOL.

    I hope staff is able to deescalate him and he gets over this setback quickly.

    Hang in there.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    More hugs. Just love being in the everything is moms fault club! I just got kicked because a PCA is needing to reduce her hours. Good grief. He just won't stop. All about how he's gonna get me for making her not work so many days. Sorry son, I'm not that all powerful. Yesterday I'm told he destroyed school decorations for the open house and yelled at and pushed people all day (hates change ...uggg ). Just gets old.
    Anyway, just wanted to let you know I know it stinks big time. I hope he just settles down. You try to get some sleep!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    It sounds as if he is in a good facility. Hopefully they can defuse the situation without either the hospital or police.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry. You do seem like you have a good placement for him.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    (HUGS) The best thing you can do for him is nothing. He may see his consequences are his fault after all. Once we step in to help, everything is our fault. I wouldn't answer his calls for a long time. Wishing you peace.