Hi -
I have a few suggestions if you want to get her in front of a judge for help. But like horse-rider said - the courts may/may not be helpful. Once she's in Department of Juvenile Justice system you really have very little input on what they can do for her. My son was suicidal on Zoloft and the minute he got to Department of Juvenile Justice they put him on Zoloft - I found out a month later - begged them to take him off, he tried to hang himself in his cell (I was told by his "caseworker" I was being an overbearing parent on the phone the same exact time she got the emergency call that he attempted to hang himself) so just use court as a very last resort. FYI.
If you want to get her in front of a judge call the county clerk of family courts and file a petition of incorigibility. You have to have documentation ie: school records, police reports that you can't handle her at home. This will get you an appointment with a judge and you can see what the best course of action is from there. It may/may not involve her going to jail. It would be nice if there was a work camp or place that just worked the snot out of these kids but Department of Juvenile Justice according to my son was like a Day care. (gosh thanks Department of Juvenile Justice) We thought - WELL NOW THIS WILL BREAK HIM - and nah....15 minutes after he was home from a 90 day lock up - he was as disrespectful and in our face as ever. 15 minutes....not 15 hours, or days - 15 minutes - he was 16 years old.
I don't know where you live - but I would check with your Mental Health workers and call around and see if there are Parent Advocate groups that you can network with for support and advice locally - they may have suggestions about placements, like group homes and assisted living temporary homes, girls homes - things like that. Sometimes Catholic Charities, Lutheran Services have suggestions. There are agencies out there - but they are just hanging out in the yellow pages saying HEY here we are - Free help. Sadly - they're hidden and you have to know or be in the know to get the help. You need to see if there is a local Protection and Advocacy group or P&A for mentally ill people and ask them for help. NAMI chapters are around - find them - see who's in charge and get in with them too - they'll know where you can get help. If there is a group called Federation of Families locally? Find them - Find out of there is a parents group of Bi-Polar Parents that meet and has ideas or thoughts about help.
Networking is going to help you more than the courts I'm afraid. We hope and think that a stint in jail would give our kids shock value but sadly it rarely does. IT just makes them a little wiser to how to handle themselves the next time they go in. Probation? Well that's a little bit of "You do this or you will go to jail for XX years and that CAN have some effect on a kid = that and telling them every cent they earn for years goes for restitution." That seems to have done it for our son - mostly. (I hope)
As far as talking to her? I really like this book and recommend it often - How to talk to teens so they will listen and how to listen so teens will talk. It's about effective communication and how we speak to each other. It's really about one of the best books I've ever read on how to get a teenager to open up and how NOT TO ENGAGE IN a yelling match when you can't control things - like - old crusty doctor is still in practice and not your fault. It is what it is child. Walk away Mom.
I'm glad you found us. You never said what personal consequence you have for the jewelry and drugs...What chores are you making her do for you daily to pay back the jewelry? Do you have a written contract that is binding if you do go to court? Something she signed stating YeS she DID take XX $$ worth of your jewelry - and list it's description and value and that she will never bring XX drugs in to your house after you did find them?
THings like that? Need to have a family meeting - need to have a written contract - she should be in on the consequences but not totally decide what her punishment is - but there needs to be hard labor around the house daily - and added time/consequences for that. Not threats.....real life IF XX does not happen XX WILL. And make it something she says - OKAY I agree - and then you all sign, date and she gets a copy -
When my son became part of the decision making process of his own consequences it really helped him more to stick to his word because HE didn't want to come off like an idiot. (really really) and then I could realy come back and say (WELL YOU chose THAT consequence) like NO TV and no stereo or NO friends for a week or something menial.
And if he totally shut down? Well we had 3 passes a week that he could grab - use for 1 hour - and those gave him time to cool off and come back to the chore at hand and then get busy - it helped it take a walk and not blow up, or use anger management techniques he learned in thearapy. THAT was his life saver. That and getting older I think.
Hugs -
Star