So the cops came this morning. Happy Sunday!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by GuideMe, Oct 12, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    So, I am going about my business this morning. Woke up at 5:00 am, did back-breaking Sunday morning cleaning. Clean out the refrigerator, (which took me an hour and a half) and tons of other things. Went food shopping. Put everything away. Put the crock pot on and the family squabble started. I really can't go into detail about what started it because then it would give away my identity should people I know ever come across this forum. So difficult child just went nuts as usual, however, was family toxic drama fault this time, but i had enough and called the cops on her because she took it to the next level and attacked ME after I was STANDING UP FOR HER! WTF!!!??? It takes me a lot to get that point to call the police. One of the same four cops that has been called to our home numerous times, came. He acted casual. His same speal was nothing they could do, why did I even call, (um because I was being verbally annihilated) I have to go through the courts. However, he told me his story and says he was a former difficult child, so maybe that's why he doesn't really seem too surprised. It's nice how everyone can have a casual attitude about this, while I am suffering and dying on the inside.

    I know everyone is going to tell me to go through with the court eviction, please believe me I am working on it. I just need some different advice today. I feel very traumatized more so than usual. For the first time I have felt suicidal. Years of non stop abuse. I just feel like once difficult child finally moves, I just feel like it's too late. The damage is done. My soul is almost dead.
  2. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    It seems like our fights are really bad on Sundays. While most of the country is spending loving days with their loved ones, we go at it like animals. White trash. Maybe if we had family around, we wouldn't go through this. How many Sundays are lost in space?
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I have no family except husband and my kids. I feel suicidal at times. I have to fight it. When I'm in that mood, I do my "Go to":

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
    the courage to change the things I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    I had an extremely stressful weekend too (why not both vent :)) I was visiting Julie and my granddaughter when Jumper (age 18 and home for the weekend) called me hysterical, which is not like her, because her ex boyfriend will not talk to's a long story, but we were three hours away and I was afraid for her and she won't ask anyone but us for any help so I am just coming down from the stress of rushing home, talking to her, sending her back to college and getting hung up on by my 36 year old difficult child (will probably be in another thread) because his son's teacher is complaining about his son's inattentiveness and he didn't like how I answered, "What should I do?" (Longest run-on sentence evah!)

    You pick the cliff. Just kidding :)

    Look, you are working on changing things. Today is over. "This too shall pass." Let's hold hands via the internet and give one another the strength to smile at the sunshine in the morning (it'll probably rain...just kidding).

    Anyhow, just remember you can't change your daughter. I can't change my son. Funnily, although I usually don't give him advice at all and just say, "You're smart. You can figure it out" today I tried to actually tell him about testing and the school system because it involved my grandson and guess what...I tried to help him and he HUNG UP. I guess I won't be talking to him for a while because when he hangs up, I don't answer his phone calls for several days. That alone makes me feel happier. Here's something you can be happy is another seven days until Sunday now!!!

    Let's both do something nice for ourselves. Want me to e-mail a hot fudge sundae? :)
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2014
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending kind thoughts GM, I know how you feel, we just get worn out, depleted and exhausted from fighting a war where we don't know when the next battle will erupt.

    I hope you can get yourself some support now, can you look up a local 12 step group, CoDa, Families anonymous, really anything where you can go to get some immediate comfort? I'm so sorry. Get out and do something for YOU, anything, go have your nails done....go to a movie, call a friend.........take some action for YOU.
  5. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    GM --- Just read your post and it broke my heart. I have been in your shoes on those kinds of police calls in our home. They're horrific. They just suck the wind right out of our sails.

    I have no advice for you to do re: your difficult child. But I want to agree with MWM and RE that you deserve some pleasant time just for you. I'm with MWM.........We can virtually share hot fudge sundaes together! I don't mean that to sound trite, forgive me if it does. I just want you to know that if we were able to, I'd gladly share one with you.

    You are not alone. We are here. And we really do "get it". You're not nuts. Really. One can only understand how brutal those kinds of police interactions in our homes can be. They're an ambush and an assault on our souls.

    Oh, maybe I do have one suggestion? Maybe, if you, MWM, RE and I are all gonna share a virtual ice cream sundae together today, can we take it somewhere like, oh.............Tahiti!? Yes! I say we all hit that tropical Tahitian beach, find hammocks with our names on it and the perfect ice cream sundaes!

    GM & MWM -- My heart is with you both today!

    GM, MWM, RE ----- Meet me in virtual Tahiti in 2 hours! Pack light, we don't need no stinkin' extra baggage! Hugs to you all! :)
  6. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank you MWM, this actually helped me feel a bit better.

    RE, I just don't know how much more I can take. This is too hard. I might actually try those support groups. I might just need to do it. Never thought I would have to go to these groups. I am sobbing, how did it turn out like this? Why?

    I'll be there at 8:00....
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    been there done that. I will send you ladies a case of the finest chocolate for your sundaes. Heck, I will even send you some of my brandied fruit topping.
  8. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    GM -- Support groups are beautiful thing! So very validating, clarifying, and downright warming just when needed. I send you many hugs. And I'll be seeing you in virtual Tahiti shortly!

    GM -- Hold on. We are here and we are with you and supporting you. Feel our virtual embrace.

    P4 -- Bring that top-notch chocolate and join GM, MWM, RE, and me in Tahiti!
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  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I wish I could join you, but I am already on my own virtual island surrounded by some very hunky and most attentive cabana boys. They are about to light the torches and serve dinner. ((((sigh))))):very_drunk:
  10. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    P4 --- Wait a tic..... Thinkin' maybe we should all join you on your virtual island instead! We'll bring the ice cream just make sure those attentive cabana boys do the serving! LOL!

    GM --- Please bear with us if our joking here feels inappropriate. Not meant to be. Just know that we're thinking of you, including you, and sending you hugs from afar. Along with ice cream sundaes, tropical beaches and hunky cabana boys as our waiters!
  11. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Yes, I didn't mean to be inappropriate...yikes! I just know that humor helps me even at my darkest moments. This weekend was bad for me too.

    I used to wear a necklace with the Serenity Prayer on it. I truly believe it shouts wisdom to all, even if you do not have a religion (just take the God part out and it's still smart). I am thinking of getting another one. Today, with my daughter in crisis mode and my son in jerk mode and the long ride in from Chicago because, which cut my visit with granddaughter short...I was very close to tears until I had to walk into the house and be a rock for Jumper and say the right things to pep talk her out of her tears. When I read your post, I really related. Suicide has been on my mind lately because, in spite of how well my medications are keeping me from going too low, I do have a mood disorder and I'm in a down cycle and everything seems overwhelming to me. Don't ever feel suicidal alone. Seek out a good friend, us, or call a crisis line.

    pasajes4, would you be mad if I borrowed Rico? The one on the right?
  12. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    MWM -- I am same as you..... humor usually helps lift me (or at least distract me). Not always, but usually. And when it doesn't the Serenity Prayer does help, indeed.

    MWM --- Is that Rico Suave on the right of the cabana conga line? LOL! Now I've got that song stuck in my head all day, probably!

    P4 --- If MWM gets Rico, may I have Antonio?

    GM & MWM -- All kidding aside, wishing you both a much better rest-of-the-week. Hugs to you both...
  13. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    No worries about the joking ladies. I wasn't the least bit offended. Thank you all for being there. You're words mean so much
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know GM, I so know how you feel.

    The thing is that most of us are much better at giving and taking care of, then giving to ourselves and knowing what our own needs and wants are. And, some of that is cultural, we mothers are supposed to be all knowing, all loving and be able to jump buildings in a single bound......unfortunately, we expect that of ourselves too and then we collapse. We can't do this alone. Most of us need an army of help. I know I did. And once I got it, once I allowed myself to get the support I was so willing to give to others, everything began to change. With support, wherever you get it, you begin to get nourished, your strength and resolve return, you receive compassionate understanding, empathy and guidance. Once you get that, and you realize you have choices, you gain the courage and the conviction to make the changes necessary for YOU. Not for your difficult child. For YOU. That turnaround in thinking usually takes us out of the path we've been on and onto another one, based in making our needs and wants a priority. When you make that shift in thinking, not only does your life improve, but your daughter's life changes dramatically where YOU are concerned because she won't be able to manipulate you anymore, you will have developed the tools and the skill set to stop that dynamic.

    It turned out like this because, in my estimation, you need to learn to take care of YOU. And your daughter is the catalyst for change for you. And ultimately for her too, however she decides to ride that wave to shore. But change is imminent because you have become sick and tired of the way it is........and that is when we change.

    My heart goes out to you GM. I really do know exactly how you feel.

    Take care of YOU now.
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  15. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It is difficult to navigate difficult child waters. We do the best we can one step forward two steps back. One of the hardest things we have to face is that we do not have all he answers.

    I have had the cops at my house so many times only to be told they could not or would not do anything. I have had psychiatric hospitals call me and ask me what to do with him.

    We are here for you.
  16. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    GM --- Thinking of you this morning and hoping things are better. How are you today? Sending warm wishes your way.
  17. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    This is so true. Getting help for yourself helps you to find the inner strength to stop participating in the "games" and gas-lighting so common with difficult child's. Once you start to focus on a better life for yourself, what others say and do will gradually have less and less effect on you until you begin to care more and more about how your own happiness and right to a normal life comes first. Is it fair that you have to do all the work, when it is the difficult child that is causing all the problems? No, no, it is not. We don't get through problems by going around them but going through them. You KNOW that difficult child is not going to go for help because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her! Crazy but true. So left remaining is you - the only one that can get help to stop the insanity. Surely by now you have tried everything to get the other person to changes; obviously they are not going to - so who is left to change? Some people are resistant to treatment because they believe that it is admitting a mental weakness - like there is something wrong with THEM. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is those who use the resources to eliminate the craziness and live a happier life that are the sane ones. Getting help for yourself is in effect throwing in the towel and saying I give - I have done every other reasonable thing and I can't live this way anymore. Standing there to help bring your life back to normal are wonderful people who have been in your situation or understand it and offer you the help to deal in this helpless situation not of your making.
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  18. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thanks again everyone I'm ok HM, thanks for checking up. <3
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  19. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    GM -- Thought about you much last night. Recalled how I felt years ago during police calls, and how they still can leave me with a PTSD twinge. Thought about my attempt at humor to uplift you, didn't feel great about my timing on that. So sorry. Woke up this morning and thought about you again. So glad to hear you're ok. You're in my thoughts and prayers today. Take care...
  20. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    HM, I promise you that you were fine. I didn't think anything of it and I won't think any of it. I know all of you have been through the same hell, so it's ok , I know you all don't make light of any of it. I actually felt really good about the whole thread. No worries, I promise.