Sending you strength and hugs. I am tormented by the fact that this site makes me feel so united and blessed that I am not alone with this struggle. Yet angryxat all of the agony and pain this causes so many of us.Isn’t this the truth LBL??
After being away after the holiday, I felt a reprieve the past 10 days. No tears shed, few intestinal issues, fewer PTSD symptoms where I feel I can’t breathe, depression, and chronic headaches.
Quick recap.. 35 yr old son, addict since 13, been in court or rehab every year for 23 years. Finally sober for 2-1/2 yrs. Presidents list for college courses, new home, working night shift and watching baby during the day. Wife could not stop expecting more. Nights out were at winery or bar. Big no-no for sobriety. She was investigated for abuse of her daughter Dec 2016. Investigation unfounded. She is a middle school counselor.
He hung in there, coming here to talk , went to counseling. Relapsed big time. Heroin & Benzos. Literally lost his mind. Robbed a convenience store. ( no weapon - I know, it makes it so much better. Not.)
Our son is coming home from rehab Tues. and has found a long term IOP program out of state, which comes highly recommended by his current medical staff. He needs MAT (medically assisted therapy) because of his opiate blockers, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD))/ADHD diagnosis... (yes, he is a mess). It is VERY difficult to find extended care especially for the opiate blocker (suboxone) because many caregivers feel it is just an extension ( like heroin) of his addiction. He has been on this medication for a decade. While it can be abused, I strongly feel without it, our son would not be alive today.
Back to the PTSD... upon walking in the door we had 3 certified letters. One from his wife who has taken out a PFA against him. The anger I feel over this is tremendous. He was incarcerated for 3 weeks, went directly to inpatient rehab. He has not been at his home since October. She sent 2 nasty grams to him in jail and signed up for a calling plan to talk with him. He has had no contact except for a letter wishing her and the children a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. This infuriated me so because there are women that truly NEED this order for protection. She is using it to get “ one up” going into the sale of their house because this can have him evicted from the premises even though his name is on the deed.
Whether PFA’s are truly a deterrent for some is a discussion for another day.
I understand being bitter, aren’t we all that we are dealt this card? What does she want, to bury him? She was friends with him for 18 yrs. First loves. She knew of his past history and got pregnant within 2 months of him coming out of a rehab ...
I can’t sleep or that’s all I want to do. I pray. I cry. I throw up. My husband and I have weathered all these storms but we both are just worn out. I know we need to take care of ourselves but how .. when it is ALWAYS in your face?
Next on the list of “to do’s” - get all our belongings, our sons belongings and our grandsons belongings ( 8 your old to previous marriage) out of his house he hasn’t lived in for months. We do have an attorney involved to recover funds from a promissory note that was signed by both and she is denying that it was ever for a house, and to have Sheriff present when we move items.
Oh, and an added bonus.. her posts on fb re: direct assaults to my husband and I. I’m not even on any more just because it’s a waste of my time and not worth the worry.
I apologize for rambling. 4 court hearings this month. All I can do is look at the calendar and pray he can find a way to get out of this state ( ok’d by bail bondsman) and he will check with his att tomorrow to see if any or all of these can get pushed back. He NEEDS IOP now.
Thanks for listening.. ((Hugs))
Sending you strength and hugs. I am tormented by the fact that this site makes me feel so united and blessed that I am not alone with this struggle. Yet angryxat all of the agony and pain this causes so many of us.
No need to delete anything this is a dialogue and some things trigger memories for us. Post away. I have been known to hijack a post here and here. I think we all do it at times. We need to vent.SWOT & LBL...
I apologize for my post! I’m embarrassed! You asked “ what makes you peaceful and grounded? “ I saw PTSD and went on a rant. It’s been bottled up I suppose..would you like me to delete my previous post?
I do have blessings in my life that keep me peaceful and grounded..
A beautiful sunrise & sunset
My husband and partner in life
The sound of the ocean or bay
Any animal will bring a smile to my face
My best girlfriend
Laughing til it hurts
Making snow angels
Sledding with my grandson
Sitting around a campfire with my sober children
The smell of something baking
Looking at the stars and praying
It was very interesting. Being in the moment. Every moment. Not getting through the task at hand just to be done with it. Not thinking about the next task. Not worrying about the future or fretting about the past.