Letter to the judge - need your help
- Thread starter PatriotsGirl
- Start date
Dixies_fire
Member
Hoping for you
S
Signorina
Guest
God bless you pg. you are a wonderful mother
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Thank you all!!!! I am leaving in a moment - wish me luck!! Time to fight for my daughter and my grandson!
StressedM0mma
Active Member
PG, I am praying for you this mornining. I hope the judge hears your words, and your difficult child is forced to rehab, if just for Connor's sake.
Thinking of you now, sending prayers and good thoughts..........let us know how it went...........hugs.........
pinevalley
Member
I'm thinking of you this morning PG. sending you strength and many prayers...
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
PG,
You are heavy on our hearts and minds this morning. Hope all is going well in the courtroom.
Sending up more prayers,
LMS
You are heavy on our hearts and minds this morning. Hope all is going well in the courtroom.
Sending up more prayers,
LMS
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Okay, so I was the first person there and (not many others came in after that)...I met the prosecuting attorney who I had been speaking with over the phone and she told me that she talked to the Treatment Court Coordinator and found that yes, inpatient rehab IS included!!!!!! She said that to remember it IS a voluntary program and Marina has to agree to accept it. However, they are doing everything to get her to accept it and will basically hold her until she does. They proved that today by having a continuance of the committal hearing. 
I then overheard the attorney talking to two other women about difficult child. I heard one of them saying she wanted a full mental health assessment done and that they could get that done as long as she remains in jail. I also heard them say that obviously there is a substance abuse issue, too, so they weren't sure how much of the mental health was contributed or being clouded by the drugs. I then heard them say how fixated she was on baby daddy and how they could use that to get her in the program - they could have it so she has no contact with him until she is doing well in the program, etc. The attorney then introduced them to me. The treatment coordinator said the first person that talked to Marina about the program got a tongue lashing from her - no surprise there. But they sent this woman in to talk to her and they have connected. Marina even asked her if she could come see her every week. The treatment coordinator agrees that she needs help and said they are going to try to get it for her. They just need difficult child to give a thumbs up to go into the program. She also warned me that difficult child blames me for a lot and to try to remain calm, it was normal for addicts to do that. I do know that addicts always blame someone else and most times it is the people they are closest to. She mentioned that difficult child showed her the ultrasound pictures and was very proud of her growing little boy (God please let that be true!!!)..
The woman who drug tested difficult child last week testified about the testing and the results. She was acting a bit irrationally that morning, so that is why they drug tested her. She showed positive for meth and pot.
Then the attorney asked the judge if I could speak. I could barely hold it together. I tried reading what I wrote but the tears wouldn't let me see the paper so I just started talking from my heart. I tried to remember all I said in the letter but it was impossible.
He then let Marina speak. She said that her mother didn't care about the baby and had been hounding her to get an abortion (completely untrue but I sat and said nothing), she then said it was and has always been a control issue with me. That I have always wanted to control her. People started looking funny at her at this point. She asked isn't this her life to live? Her choices to make? She says she does need help and wants to get clean but that everyone shoving it down her throat just made her want to rebel. She said seeing the ultrasound pictures has made her baby "real".
The attorney told her that is why they were offering her the program. That it WAS her choice and that if she really was ready to get clean and get help, to accept the program. That she shoudn't be rebeling a program that is there to HELP her.
Then the judge told difficult child that he has an observation. That he does not need her to respond to it and in fact, did not want her to respond to it. But that he could not understand why she would lash out at a mother that was there FOR her. A mother that she has put through years of pain and torture and yet was still there speaking on her behalf. He then said I can't tell you if your mother cares about the baby but I can tell you one thing for certain - YOU don't. He says he cannot even fathom a mother that would use meth while pregnant. He then said he was revoking bond and upholding the arrest and then told her have a good day. The attorney then asked for the committal hearing to be continued and he agreed. difficult child then turned to the attorney asking what that meant and the attorney said, well, you will have to come back.
They then went to take her back - she turned to me and said "Love you momma" as she was walking away....
Her assessments will be tomorrow. They will keep me updated. I think it is a waiting game now and just a matter of difficult child saying okay. I think eventually, she is going to accept.
So I think it turned out just as I wanted....pretty close anyway....baby Connor is still safe right now. I did put twenty dollars on her account when I left...
I then overheard the attorney talking to two other women about difficult child. I heard one of them saying she wanted a full mental health assessment done and that they could get that done as long as she remains in jail. I also heard them say that obviously there is a substance abuse issue, too, so they weren't sure how much of the mental health was contributed or being clouded by the drugs. I then heard them say how fixated she was on baby daddy and how they could use that to get her in the program - they could have it so she has no contact with him until she is doing well in the program, etc. The attorney then introduced them to me. The treatment coordinator said the first person that talked to Marina about the program got a tongue lashing from her - no surprise there. But they sent this woman in to talk to her and they have connected. Marina even asked her if she could come see her every week. The treatment coordinator agrees that she needs help and said they are going to try to get it for her. They just need difficult child to give a thumbs up to go into the program. She also warned me that difficult child blames me for a lot and to try to remain calm, it was normal for addicts to do that. I do know that addicts always blame someone else and most times it is the people they are closest to. She mentioned that difficult child showed her the ultrasound pictures and was very proud of her growing little boy (God please let that be true!!!)..
The woman who drug tested difficult child last week testified about the testing and the results. She was acting a bit irrationally that morning, so that is why they drug tested her. She showed positive for meth and pot.
Then the attorney asked the judge if I could speak. I could barely hold it together. I tried reading what I wrote but the tears wouldn't let me see the paper so I just started talking from my heart. I tried to remember all I said in the letter but it was impossible.
He then let Marina speak. She said that her mother didn't care about the baby and had been hounding her to get an abortion (completely untrue but I sat and said nothing), she then said it was and has always been a control issue with me. That I have always wanted to control her. People started looking funny at her at this point. She asked isn't this her life to live? Her choices to make? She says she does need help and wants to get clean but that everyone shoving it down her throat just made her want to rebel. She said seeing the ultrasound pictures has made her baby "real".
The attorney told her that is why they were offering her the program. That it WAS her choice and that if she really was ready to get clean and get help, to accept the program. That she shoudn't be rebeling a program that is there to HELP her.
Then the judge told difficult child that he has an observation. That he does not need her to respond to it and in fact, did not want her to respond to it. But that he could not understand why she would lash out at a mother that was there FOR her. A mother that she has put through years of pain and torture and yet was still there speaking on her behalf. He then said I can't tell you if your mother cares about the baby but I can tell you one thing for certain - YOU don't. He says he cannot even fathom a mother that would use meth while pregnant. He then said he was revoking bond and upholding the arrest and then told her have a good day. The attorney then asked for the committal hearing to be continued and he agreed. difficult child then turned to the attorney asking what that meant and the attorney said, well, you will have to come back.
They then went to take her back - she turned to me and said "Love you momma" as she was walking away....
Her assessments will be tomorrow. They will keep me updated. I think it is a waiting game now and just a matter of difficult child saying okay. I think eventually, she is going to accept.
So I think it turned out just as I wanted....pretty close anyway....baby Connor is still safe right now. I did put twenty dollars on her account when I left...
StressedM0mma
Active Member
Well, for right now, that is the best that you can ask for. It sounds as if everyone, judge included, see through her. I hope she gets into and stays with the program.
pinevalley
Member
All in all that is very hopeful news for your daughter. It sounds like the judge really understood what kind of problem your difficult child has with using meth while she is pregnant, and he could tell how much you loved your daughter. I am so glad that the courts are finally going to offer difficult child the help she desperately needs for herself and her baby. I'm sure that you feel relieved that court is over. I hope that you can rest now, because you deserve a lot of peace and quiet right now. (((HUGS)))
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
So glad you spoke from your heart. I think the judge was spot on, by the way. It's unfortunate she threw that abortion stuff at you - that is awful, but typical.
I don't recall if you ever mentioned if you're in therapy or going to parent groups, and I know you have a busy, stressful job, but now may be the time to pursue that course if you want. The baby is coming and you will need all the support, confidence and help you need to navigate through the future and your relationship with difficult child and M. By some miracle if Connor is blessed to be born clean and healthy, you will need every scrap of resolve and strength to cope with what's coming. There's just a lot coming down the pike and you may only want to dip your toe in, but you may be drawn into the vortex of the whole difficult child drama. You're brave and strong and I give you so much credit.
I don't recall if you ever mentioned if you're in therapy or going to parent groups, and I know you have a busy, stressful job, but now may be the time to pursue that course if you want. The baby is coming and you will need all the support, confidence and help you need to navigate through the future and your relationship with difficult child and M. By some miracle if Connor is blessed to be born clean and healthy, you will need every scrap of resolve and strength to cope with what's coming. There's just a lot coming down the pike and you may only want to dip your toe in, but you may be drawn into the vortex of the whole difficult child drama. You're brave and strong and I give you so much credit.
ThreeShadows
Quid me anxia?
Wow, I wish my mother had loved me half as much as you do your daughter. I really admire your passion and your strength. Many heartfelt hugs.
