Hi LBL,
Sorry to be so blunt and possibly to sound rude. I do not mean to, but I want to ask the question as gently as possible:
Why are you still allowing him to live in your home when he has violated the conditions you set for him to be there?
Hi Culturana;
That is a very good question. Last week when we returned from the Cottage vacation (at which time our son was not residing with us for breaking the rules), he got arrested again. This time high on street Xanax (bad bad junk know to be laced with Fentanyl), and arrested for possession of stolen property obtained by crime. He begged us to come home all the usual promises. I am utterly shocked that they released him (to a family friend not us, we would. It have picked him up). Nor was his bail bond revoked by the youth society which holds his bond. He skipped a bail check in appointment that week as well.
We met with him and said if he consented to long term rehab we would let him come home until a bed is available.
We can't stop him from doing drugs, he can't stop doing drugs. He has conduct disorder and a substance abuse problem. He signed the consent his application has been submitted to a long term rehab for youth. His medical evaluation for rehab is tomorrow after his appearance in court.
We told him to respect the house rules and not to bring drugs or alcohol into the house. We will continue to drug test him to prove he is still taking drugs, although he lies and says he is clean. He still has to go to bail check in, register for school and to rehab twice a week.
He had a huge outburst on Friday and left home and did not come back until Sunday. Left again Monday came back yesterday afternoon. He text to let us know he was ok and staying with a friend.
We are keeping him at home until his rehab bed is available, if he is respectful of the rules we ask him to abide by, which are not a lot.
We told him if he does not stay and complete the program as reccomended (a minimum of 6 months) he can not come home. If he is successful we can talk about having him return home.
His out patient rehab worker, one of the police officers involved with my son and his bail officer have approached the crown, they have asked the crown to address the youth court and have a request to expedite a bed placement for our son. This took place some time today.
Clearly not an ideal situation. If he does not abide by our rules he knows it is the shelter or the streets.
He does abide, but it is a highly volatile situation. It is not sustainable for a long period.
We were informed that it will take 1-4 months for a bed.
He needs to detox and we can't do that. He will need in patient care for that. His program will have a 3 week detox and zero communication process. We hope to God he becomes more reasonable when he is off the drugs.
The down side is yes he did consent, but he can sign himself out at any time. If he signs himself out he will not come home!
It is a very stressful time. He is very challenging and we are not engaging him, we are not giving him anything more than food and a roof over his head and support to get to his meetings, and court. Court is 30KM away and there is no real easy way to commute there. He did have to get himself to court when he was couch surfing. His rehab counsellor gave him a ride and she told him it was a one time deal. The only other way is a 3 hour commuter train and bus ride. Not ideal. The youth association will provide cupons for public transit for him.
He has yet to get his legal aid card and tomoorws court date will be another adjournment. Waste of collosal time. But the process is the process.
He is in a situation now to make his choices. Rehab and a positive path to recovery for both the CD and the substance abuse. Or living in the streets or a shelter, and facing his court challenges by himself. This would end up in a slow agonizing life with an early death, jail, or the realization that he does need rehab.
By the time this all unfolds, he will have turned 18. Once he is no longer a youth. There will be no reason not to put him in jail. He has only spent 4 days in an open custody unit for youth. They just won't lock up youth here in Canada. He will have a very hard time in jail.
We are doing everything in our power to get him the help that he needs. Which is not easy given the way our system operates. We do not have $45,000.00 to spend on private rehab. And although we have excellent 3rd party insurance, they just don't cover rehab here in Canada as they do in the US.
We have his name in for a bed in a co pay rehab. But the wait for a bed there is a year or longer. We have been waiting for 6 months.
If he fails Rehab one. Gets sentenced he can ask the courts to place him in rehab instead of jail. The courts here are very reluctant to do this, especially for adults. Claiming they can access rehab in the prison system. It is unfortunate but that is our system. But if they will do this and the timing by chance is good we will have a back up bed in the copay rehab. This is something we can afford.
It is not ideal but it is what it is and we feel our son being 17 soon to be 18 deserves a fighting chance. We are doing all we can do to help him without enabling him.